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Wednesday April 23, 2014 10:41:42 PM

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‡ starting over in recovery means ‡ posted: Wednesday the 23rd of April, 2014 08:02:16 AM

I can start over in MY spiritual life, as well.
so here i go again, another one of those so-called HIGHER POWER or GOD readings. before i get rolling, a disclaimer to those who are not certain about me: i am not a GOD guy. never have professed to be one, although there was a time in my life i thought about being a priest, but that was before i discovered sex. i consider myself a rational and yes scientific sort of person, who wants to see the proof about everything, so landing here in this fellowship after struggling for thirteen months in another was certainly the best thing that could have happened in my recovery journey. one of the reasons i have what i have today is:

Thank you for guiding me
along this spiritual path
Congrats on 31 years clean!

yes, even though i did not know it way back when, the men who have sponsored me, have taught what and what not to do, along my journey to touch the divine. all i ever wanted was freedom from my legal problems and i got so much more, including what i once considered excess baggage, namely this whole smacks of religion stuff. quite honestly, the members of the first fellowship i attended locally, made no bones about what they believed and i often felt like they were shoving it down my throat as if i was being fattened for paté, funnel and all.
as that program became less effective in fostering my abstinence, as i never really did get much recovery over there, i found my 12 STEP home and that has made all the difference. here it seems, even in my very Christian community, there is more open-mindedness and tolerance for those who do not follow that path. i am certainly one of those, and the imagined sins that i believe religion, especially those flavor of religions inflicted upon me, almost took me back out. truth be told, i was looking for a trap door and here was a READY MADE ONE.
so my spiritual life, has had a few reboots, and today, i can be comfortable surrendering my will and life into the care of the POWER that fuels my recovery. i do not need to know what that POWER looks like, nor need i ascribe human attributes to that POWER, i am quite comfortable and FAITH that if i do the next right thing, i will get exactly what i NEED. the beauty of such a notion and my FAITH, is its elegant simplicity. my second sponsor the first in this fellowship was a Christian and yet he encouraged me to actually start my journey to discovering what my HIGHER POWER, needed to be for me. none of this borrow mun bullsh!t, that i still hear rolling around the rooms. he stated plainly that I HAD to find my owm, regardless of how long it took, as without something that i could be comfortable with, i would never be able to find long term recovery. i look at GOD replacement therapy as something akin to drug replacement therapy. it may get one to look socially acceptable in the eyes of their peers, but it is a cheat and a crutch. one's recovery cannot proceed without discovering what that power is for oneself. today of that fact i am certain.
speaking of the next right thang? it is time to shut this down and head on over to the job i like going to, today. yes, i may not be a “GOD” guy, but i do have a spiritual sense of where i am going.

∞ DT ∞

Another Look!

α the POWER that helps keep me clean α posted on: Sunday, April 23, 2006 by: donnot
α i may doubt the existence of any sort of POWER greater than myself. ω posted on: Monday, April 23, 2007 by: donnot
∞ if i am not comfortable with what i learned when i was growing up, i can try a different approach to my spirituality. ∞ posted on: Wednesday, April 23, 2008 by: donnot
α i do not have to understand everything all at once or find the answers to all my questions right away ω posted on: Thursday, April 23, 2009 by: donnot
α many may enter recovery with a working understanding of a Higher Power Ω posted on: Friday, April 23, 2010 by: donnot
〈 i have come to understand God to be simply THE force keeps me clean 〉 posted on: Saturday, April 23, 2011 by: donnot
¢ i DO remember very uncomfortable experiences with religion ¢ posted on: Monday, April 23, 2012 by: donnot
≥ all i EVER have to know about a HIGHER POWER, ≥ posted on: Tuesday, April 23, 2013 by: donnot