Blog entry for:

Sat, Nov 24, 2007 07:36:59 AM


∞ i may have expectations about how my life should be in recovery, expectations that are not always met. ∞
posted: Sat, Nov 24, 2007 07:36:59 AM

 

the more i try to make my life conform to my expectations, the more uncomfortable i feel.
well i am up and at it a bit early this morning, and the reading suggests i need to be grateful for what i have, instead of looking at how my life does not match my expectations. that task is not too hard on days when i feel like everything is going my way, it is those days when i feel at odds to myself and the world around me, when i wallow in self-pity. and yes, even after some days clean, i can still fall into the trap of comparing my current situation to what i expect my situation to be. somewhere along the line, i got the notion that life was supposed to get better and better, the longer i recovered. the gifts i expect are serenity 24/7, the ability to tolerate everyone and every situation that occurs on a daily basis, the ability to patiently accept what ever comes during the course of my day and the ability to permanently switch off the voice in my head that tells me that i am a piece of sh!t. well guess what, none of that has happened, and there are times i get angry that those changes have not occurred in my life. the question that asks begging is not where those ideas came from, but are they really realistic? or more importantly are those changes being made incrementally as i progress through the process of recovery. understanding that they are there and acknowledging that i am subject to the whims of my unmet expectations is a whole lot more important than pondering where those expectations came from, as i think about it, i know. they arise from the part of me i call my addict. that part of me seeks evidence that i am not be rewarded for staying clean and working the steps. much as i hate to admit it, i am still reward and punishment driven.
the counter to that part of me is also suggested in the reading. instead of looking at how my life does not match my expectations, i need to look at how much i have progressed towards that ideal, yet unattainable state. am i more serene than when i first started up this path? that is a slam dunk of course i am, and the answer to all of the similar inquiries is the same. i am making progress towards that state, and even though i will not ever match those expectations, i can be grateful that i am moving in a positive direction. and after looking at these questions i find myself a whole lot more grateful this morning, even though it is true that i have work to do, miles to go before i sleep, as the saying goes. so off to the showers and into my day, after all i can be grateful that i have the means to support myself today.

∞ DT ∞

 

djtConsulting Brand
The views expressed on this page are solely the opinion of the author.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.

Another Look!

grateful for my life? just as it is today? 153 words ➥ Wednesday, November 24, 2004 by: donnot
↔ thanksgiving, expectation and gratitude  ↔ 306 words ➥ Thursday, November 24, 2005 by: donnot
σ there are days when i wallow in self-pity. it is easy to do σ 462 words ➥ Monday, November 24, 2008 by: donnot
⊄ when the world does not measure up to my expectations ⊄ 614 words ➥ Tuesday, November 24, 2009 by: donnot
⊗ at times i entertain the thought that staying clean is not paying off ⊗ 739 words ➥ Wednesday, November 24, 2010 by: donnot
♥ i HAVE been given much in recovery; staying clean DOES pay off ♥ 625 words ➥ Thursday, November 24, 2011 by: donnot
› the more i try to make my life conform ‹ 441 words ➥ Saturday, November 24, 2012 by: donnot
〈  there are certainly times when i entertain the thought 〉 819 words ➥ Sunday, November 24, 2013 by: donnot
• acceptance of my life, • 666 words ➥ Monday, November 24, 2014 by: donnot
🙋 gratefully recovering 🙌 616 words ➥ Tuesday, November 24, 2015 by: donnot
😨 self-pity arises 😭 857 words ➥ Thursday, November 24, 2016 by: donnot
🌃 adjusting my expectations 🌃 421 words ➥ Friday, November 24, 2017 by: donnot
😒 on finding 😩 333 words ➥ Sunday, November 24, 2019 by: donnot
🤔 peace of mind 🤯 480 words ➥ Tuesday, November 24, 2020 by: donnot
🤓 staying clean 🤑 416 words ➥ Wednesday, November 24, 2021 by: donnot
🌻 living in 🌼 506 words ➥ Thursday, November 24, 2022 by: donnot
🎊 hospitality 🎊 430 words ➥ Friday, November 24, 2023 by: donnot
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☯ The Tao that can be spoken is not the eternal Tao ☯

THE TAO TEH KING, OR THE TAO AND ITS CHARACTERISTICS
by Lao-Tse
Translated by James Legge

Book 1

1) If we could renounce our sageness and discard our wisdom, it would
be better for the people a hundredfold. If we could renounce our benevolence
and discard our righteousness, the people would again become filial
and kindly. If we could renounce our artful contrivances and discard
our (scheming for) gain, there would be no thieves nor robbers.