Blog entry for:

when i admit my powerlessness, i counteract the lie that says i do not have to change. i accept the good and the bad in myself and with this acceptance, i become free to change. freedom to change is certainly is a gift of active recovery, one that on some days is hard to accept. it is on those days, that the denial of who and what i am is the strongest. fortunately i have not had one of those days lately, perhaps that is a function of where i am in my current step cycle, or just a function of my continuing growth process. in any case i am in the mindset of not trying to figure out the why of this process and just learn to accept that it does work.
yes, i am one of those that takes nothing on FAITH. there are many times i wish that i had that ability. i accept that and look to build my FAITH through the process of finding a preponderance of evidence. this is where the tricky part comes. if i am living in a state of denial, i will purposefully skew the evidence to support the conclusion i wish to reach. on some days that conclusion is that this whole recovery gig does not work, so why bother. thankfully i have not reached the final step in following that line of thought to its fatal outcome. on those days, i just muddle through the best i can, doing what i always have done and telling myself that i do not have to use, even if i believe that that recovery is not working for me. on the days when i skew the evidence in the opposite direction, recovery is so wonderful that everyone i know should be a part of this process and it is my mission to get them into the rooms and get them doing exactly what i am doing. the man with a mission is just as dangerous for my recovery. it is through attraction that the fellowship gets new members, and new members assure that the fellowship will exist, and continue to provide me the means to continue my recovery.
most days however, i find the evidence of what recovery has done for me mixed, but overall i find that there are more than enough positive aspects that having FAITH in the process of recovery to foster positive changes in me is justified and well worth my effort.
so i did go out on quite a tangent here, i am more than a bit puzzled about why i went down this path, but in the spirit of where i have been this morning, i guess i will just have FAITH that it is what i needed to say and sign off. after all, the process of living in the here and now does not always produce expected results, and i can accept that today, at least right here and right now.

∞ DT ∞