Blog entry for:

Tue, Feb 26, 2008 10:16:09 AM


μ i remove some of the power of remorse when i face it squarely. the Eighth Step does not ask …
posted: Tue, Feb 26, 2008 10:16:09 AM

 

...me to make right all of my mistakes. as i become willing to clean up the damage i have caused, i affirm the healing process of recovery.well i am not off to a great start writing this morning. this topic always seems to take me down roads that i do not wish to travel. or at least that i perceive that i do not want to go there. when i think about the damage caused by me, in recovery, during periods of abstinence when i was not actively working a program and in active addiction, i find the largest club i need and the self-flagellation begins. internally i look like one of those medieval flagellants, with my back bloody and bruised as i try to atone for my sins and the sins of the world around me.
and of course that is exactly where the part of me i call the disease of addiction wants me to go. after all as long as the pain of not doing is less than the pain of doing, i hardly have any motivation to press onward. so the next thing i need to do is to make a choice between self-forgiveness and self-abuse. although the choice looks so extremely clear, i still hesitate on the brink of that decision. what about humility and owning who and what i am? what about the costs incurred by society, those who love me and those who just happened to be in my way? and most of, what of the damage i will cause myself if i ever forget what a sh*t i was? the counter to the arguments is clearly stated, the EIGHT STEP is about becoming willing and provides the means to turn remorse into a tool for healing rather than destroying. yes i did cause damage, that damage will be looked at and my actions will be determined by STEP NINE. yes i was still am, and will be an addict, regardless of how much damage i caused in the past, i am also an addict in recovery, actively seeking to become the sort of person who adds more to the world than he takes. most importantly i never really was the sh*t i like to make myself out to be. i did sh*tty things, i lied to myself about the true effects of those things, but behaving badly does not necessarily make me a rotten apple, worthy of only the refuse pile.
so when i am feeling remorseful, the choice to use it as a tool to grow and a path towards true humility is a direction i can take., i8 have my peers and my sponsor to help me gauge the true extent of my damage and no longer need listen to the voice of the part of me i call my addict. those rational and sane voices can remove me from the cycle of self-victimization, and today i believe i will listen to the sane voices and not the lunatic that rages in my head. it uis after all, a good day to recover!

∞ DT ∞

 

djtConsulting Brand
The views expressed on this page are solely the opinion of the author.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.

Another Look!

∞ using remorse ∞ 385 words ➥ Sunday, February 26, 2006 by: donnot
δ remorse is no longer an instrument i use to torture myself. Δ 376 words ➥ Monday, February 26, 2007 by: donnot
δ as i become willing to clean up the damage i have caused, Δ 534 words ➥ Thursday, February 26, 2009 by: donnot
¨ while living in active addiction, i left a trail ¨ 521 words ➥ Friday, February 26, 2010 by: donnot
Æ the Eighth Step offers a big change from a life Æ 776 words ➥ Saturday, February 26, 2011 by: donnot
ℜ my remorse can be intensified by thinking that i cannot ℜ 444 words ➥ Sunday, February 26, 2012 by: donnot
† i stumbled through active addiction, † 334 words ➥ Tuesday, February 26, 2013 by: donnot
♣ i will use any feelings of remorse i may have ♣ 522 words ➥ Wednesday, February 26, 2014 by: donnot
$ merely to become willing $ 557 words ➥ Thursday, February 26, 2015 by: donnot
✌ remorse ✌ 516 words ➥ Friday, February 26, 2016 by: donnot
☂ owning my part ☔ 613 words ➥ Sunday, February 26, 2017 by: donnot
🥃 as an instrument 🥀 672 words ➥ Monday, February 26, 2018 by: donnot
🌤 feelings of remorse 🌦 463 words ➥ Tuesday, February 26, 2019 by: donnot
🌊 owning my part, 🌊 459 words ➥ Wednesday, February 26, 2020 by: donnot
🏁 a big change 💭 482 words ➥ Friday, February 26, 2021 by: donnot
😔 am i willing to 🥁 551 words ➥ Saturday, February 26, 2022 by: donnot
🤒 my painful past, 🤕 633 words ➥ Sunday, February 26, 2023 by: donnot
🔧 the practicality 🔨 450 words ➥ Monday, February 26, 2024 by: donnot
Spacer Image

☯ The Tao that can be spoken is not the eternal Tao ☯

THE TAO TEH KING, OR THE TAO AND ITS CHARACTERISTICS
by Lao-Tse
Translated by James Legge

Book 1

2) Therefore the sage, in the exercise of his government, empties
their minds, fills their bellies, weakens their wills, and strengthens
their bones.