Blog entry for:

Thu, Jul 30, 2009 08:24:20 AM


δ i need not feel trapped by my old, destructive patterns δ
posted: Thu, Jul 30, 2009 08:24:20 AM

 

i can live differently if i choose. glancing back at what i wrote a year ago and putting it into the context of today, boy was i pissed off! my observations, no matter how accurate, were still colored in the red of simmering anger. i know today, that it was me, who i was angry at, and everyone else, who took the brunt of that anger, were just targets of opportunity. whether or not they have or will change is totally up to them, for me, they have been more than instructive about the direction of my life and my recovery, but using object lessons as yardsticks or road maps of my growth, is not something i need anymore. is that one of those old destructive patterns? POSSIBLY, what it was and what it is, is irrelevant to the path i am walking now.
so who is really driving this bus? well the engine for this massive spiritual shift, is my Eleventh Step, the one i completed about six weeks ago, or better put formally completed on paper and with my sponsor, but has been working on me ever since. running this particular set of rapids has been interesting, as i have been going with the flow, and have one more small course correction to make. i do find it a coincidence that my sponse recommended a spiritual book as outside reading, then the book club comes across with a spiritual piece of fiction from my youth. i am seeing that as more of direction from the FORCE that provides what i need, call it God, Higher Power or even Dude Mon, for me those labels have absolutely no relevance, and in that context i am learning how to maintain active communications in a form that feels comfortable and natural to me. this reading was not about Step 11 nor was it about the spiritual journey forward. what i heard and need to get back to is the letting go of those patterns in my life that are no longer constructive to my continued growth and existence.
using the tool of Step 10, to spot those patterns and chart my reactions when i participate in them, is also what i heard in this particular reading. of course like everything else, this step cycle has had me drop the familiar form that i has habituated to, and find a different manner of doing my inventory, much more in alignment with where i am going, instead of tied to where i have been. quite honestly, what i am hearing as a result of my daily inventory is that i am being resistant to walking into the brave new world that is opening before me. i hear that i FEAR becoming a mystic and losing my tenuous grasp on reality. i hear that although most days i am a net positive force on the works around me, i am limiting myself through the constraint of the familiar. so as i told a sponsee yesterday, if i want something better, and i do, then i need to TRUST that HIGHER POWER and have FAITH as i surrender my will and my life into the care of that Power. what i am being given, and what i can accept are not that different, or i would not be getting those gifts. it is i, who needs to open his heart and his soul to accept in totality what the universe is offering me.
anyhow, the time has come to go brave this chilly morning and fulfill my need to see the world at 7 MPH once again. i will leave you with this thought, even to i resist, each and every day i am more willing to become what i will become, whether it is part of my expectations or not.

∞ DT ∞

 

djtConsulting Brand
The views expressed on this page are solely the opinion of the author.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.

Another Look!

daily inventory 272 words ➥ Friday, July 30, 2004 by: donnot
α a regular inventory Ω 298 words ➥ Saturday, July 30, 2005 by: donnot
∞ by establishing a regular pattern of taking my own inventory, ∞ 545 words ➥ Sunday, July 30, 2006 by: donnot
δ where i was powerless over my addiction, i have found a Power greater than myself Δ 365 words ➥ Monday, July 30, 2007 by: donnot
· where i once felt lost in the maze of life i have found guidance … 634 words ➥ Wednesday, July 30, 2008 by: donnot
⁄ if i am doing something that prevents problems from occurring ⁄ 512 words ➥ Friday, July 30, 2010 by: donnot
∴ continuing to take a personal inventory means that i form ∴ 788 words ➥ Saturday, July 30, 2011 by: donnot
∫ i will continue to honor my commitment ∫ 509 words ➥ Monday, July 30, 2012 by: donnot
§ self-examination, i once felt, would have been § 220 words ➥ Tuesday, July 30, 2013 by: donnot
¹ a daily inventory gives me the opportunity ¹ 585 words ➥ Wednesday, July 30, 2014 by: donnot
↑ i did not feel ⇑ 700 words ➥ Thursday, July 30, 2015 by: donnot
⤶ a painful ⤷ 676 words ➥ Saturday, July 30, 2016 by: donnot
❝ regular inventory ❞ 619 words ➥ Sunday, July 30, 2017 by: donnot
🏗 my new pattern of living 🏟 524 words ➥ Monday, July 30, 2018 by: donnot
🐙 changing the way i live 🐙 504 words ➥ Tuesday, July 30, 2019 by: donnot
🚫 lost 🚪 564 words ➥ Thursday, July 30, 2020 by: donnot
👍 the opportunity 👎 504 words ➥ Friday, July 30, 2021 by: donnot
🤓 the habit 🤳 524 words ➥ Saturday, July 30, 2022 by: donnot
🧠 open mind, 🧠 413 words ➥ Sunday, July 30, 2023 by: donnot
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☯ The Tao that can be spoken is not the eternal Tao ☯

THE TAO TEH KING, OR THE TAO AND ITS CHARACTERISTICS
by Lao-Tse
Translated by James Legge

Book 2

2) Therefore the sages got their knowledge without travelling; gave
their (right) names to things without seeing them; and accomplished
their ends without any purpose of doing so.