Blog entry for:

Fri, Oct 22, 2010 08:48:57 AM


†  addiction is so cunning that it can †
posted: Fri, Oct 22, 2010 08:48:57 AM

 

get me into impossible situations. let me get rid of this before going any further: i really have a strong dislike for anything that suggests that addiction is some alien force or something that is not a part of me. when i hear statements like my disease is talking to me, i cringe. ADDICTION IS A PART OF ME, no more or less. in plain and simple words addiction, whether or not i consider it a disease is me. so yes, in my internal dialogues, there is often a voice that comes from this part of me, suggesting certain behaviors and actions. the counter to that voice is the calm rational voice of that part of me that wants to recover and is willing to do whatever it takes to do so. that part of me makes use of the resources at hand, the literature, the program, peers and friends that is hare recovery with and suggestions from my sponsor. so now that i have parroted back the reading, time to move along.
i could just say goodbye and trot off to the neighborhood byways. or i could move down a bit different track to see where this takes me.
i just finished and mailed the letter off to the only sponsee i ever fired, who i am considering reestablishing that relationship with again. this will not be the first time we have started over, the only thing that has changed is that i used the ‘N’ word when i fired him back in May. i said i could NEVER sponsor him again, and yet here i am considering that choice. currently the ball is in his court, or it will be in the next few days after my letter makes it into his hands. the questions he must answer are not that hard but strike deep into the program, in fact i lifted them directly from our literature. as is often the case, when i give someone a suggestion for a writing assignment, i think of what i may write if i was given the same assignment.
what is it that the program has to offer that i want? well the path to becoming more than i was yesterday; the means to be freed from the thrall of addiction; and a manner of living that reduces the damage i do to the world in which i live. i want all of this and more, i see that the program can and will give that to me, and i am willing to do whatever it takes to continue the flow of those gifts into my life. that means i write steps. i call an addict almost every day, i go to meetings, i serve the fellowship that has given me this opportunity, and i live as true to myself as i possibly can. i allow myself to hear the voice of a POWER greater than myself, and i do my best to align myself to that will. i am however, much to my chagrin, only human and i often fail to achieve such standards, i can and have in the past beat myself up for failing to achieve all of that, but this morning, i see that my best effort, regardless of the results is what is required of me. now here is the rub. how do i determine that i have done just that, given my best effort, especially when within me is a part that craves my failures, so that i can start down the path to using again? well i look for measures of success instead of indicators of failure. that is where the TENTH STEP comes in. am i clean, does the end result really justify the means, can i sleep tonight or is there something that needs to be resolved? and so on. once again returning to the tools of the program to counter addiction from within.
so anyhow, as interesting as this particular line of thought may be, it is time to get up from in front of my computer and hit the streets. after all, it does look like the rain may start any minute now, and putting off what i need to do will not be of any help to achieving my master plan of the day. it is a great day to be clean and living a program of recovery.

∞ DT ∞

 

djtConsulting Brand
The views expressed on this page are solely the opinion of the author.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.

Another Look!

the voice of addiction 316 words ➥ Friday, October 22, 2004 by: donnot
↔ the program provides me with many voices that counter my addiction, voices i can trust ↔ 439 words ➥ Sunday, October 22, 2006 by: donnot
∞ my disease gives me warped information about what is going on in my life. ∞ 305 words ➥ Monday, October 22, 2007 by: donnot
↔ some may say, **my disease is talking to me.** ↔ 380 words ➥ Wednesday, October 22, 2008 by: donnot
∠ sometimes my addiction tells me i am not responsible for myself and my actions ∠ 584 words ➥ Thursday, October 22, 2009 by: donnot
≡  the ultimate solution, to counter the part of me i call addiction ≡  335 words ➥ Saturday, October 22, 2011 by: donnot
> the part of me i call addiction, < 483 words ➥ Monday, October 22, 2012 by: donnot
× i will dismiss the **voice** of addiction × 704 words ➥ Tuesday, October 22, 2013 by: donnot
≈ the part of me i call addiction ≈ 667 words ➥ Wednesday, October 22, 2014 by: donnot
⇔ look who*s talking ⇔ 224 words ➥ Thursday, October 22, 2015 by: donnot
≕ the committee  ≔ 865 words ➥ Saturday, October 22, 2016 by: donnot
🙶 the voice 🙷 667 words ➥ Sunday, October 22, 2017 by: donnot
👄 doing my best 👂 571 words ➥ Monday, October 22, 2018 by: donnot
🎤 impossible situations 💬 631 words ➥ Tuesday, October 22, 2019 by: donnot
🕱 an incurable malady 🕱 605 words ➥ Thursday, October 22, 2020 by: donnot
🗬 warped information 🗫 465 words ➥ Friday, October 22, 2021 by: donnot
🤕 my sense 🤯 369 words ➥ Saturday, October 22, 2022 by: donnot
😶 finding humility 😒 381 words ➥ Sunday, October 22, 2023 by: donnot
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☯ The Tao that can be spoken is not the eternal Tao ☯

THE TAO TEH KING, OR THE TAO AND ITS CHARACTERISTICS
by Lao-Tse
Translated by James Legge

Book 2

1) or regulating the human (in our constitution) and rendering the
(proper) service to the heavenly, there is nothing like moderation.