Blog entry for:

TO concentrate instead on appreciating their favorable qualities. a touchy feely sort of start to my day, putting aside my negative judgements to look at only the best parts, kind of like eating moldy bread by cutting off the spoiled part. it was my ability to spot the worst aspects of others that let me survive as long as i did, and to ignore any of the pieces would have had deadly consequences in my active addiction. the truth is, that i am no longer in active addiction, but not looking at the whole package when it come to others, could certainly still have consequences that would be more than a bit detrimental to me and my recovery.
after that nice and juicy rationalization, one may think that i could be done and move on. what i NEED to do is explode that lie i tell myself, so that i can moves on. the problem with the manner in which i lie to myself and others, is there is always more than a modicum of TRUTH in the lie itself. the TRUTH here is that ALL humans, addicts or not, are a mixed bag of assets and liabilities, to zoom in on either side, prevents me from seeing the BIG picture. the reading seems to suggest that i look at only the positive aspects which like the addict within, gives at best only a glimpse of the person i am evaluating. for me that black and white view of people is no longer a good solution, so where does this entry fail? only on the surface, does it suggest that i leave the negative out of my judgements. what i hear today, is that i NEED to look at the whole picture and reserve judgement until i have more information. most of my decisions about people today are not a matter of life and death, and instantaneous judgement based on the worst aspects of another are no longer required. when i suspend judgement until i have more information, i live in the spiritual principles of the program, i live a program of active recover, and i GET the opportunity to have something valuable in my life, another human connection.
what i really dig about this gig, at least today, is that there are very few binary concepts, save if i am clean today or not. just like a woman cannot be only a little pregnant, so an addict cannot be mostly clean. being clean allow me the clarity of mind to use my judgement skills, to assess whether or not the situation requires snap decision. one of my grand-sponsees is fond of saying that his character defects are actually being changed into assets. i look at the naivete of that statement and giggle inside. what has happened for me, is that my character defects are returning to the normal skills i need as a human being. compromise, courtesy and discretion are not people-pleasing, because my motive is no longer one of manipulating someone else into giving me something i think i need. assessing a situation quickly and making rational decisions is not the same thing as being judgmental, as i no longer NEED to figure out what someone wants and how much it is going to cost me. when i need it, it is good to know that i can access it, and the best part, is based on my previous experience. my judgement in that instant will probably be fairly sound. most of the time, i can reserve judgement until i gather more information, and the result will be a stronger connection to the human race, and to the recovering people that comprise most of my life these days.
anyhow, i am getting into the bus station so the time has come to let go and post this. in closing i BELIEVE that yes i can survive and thrive by allowing myself to see the whole package in all that i meet today.

∞ DT ∞