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well maybe the second time is the charm. i started off this blog a few minutes ago, and the path i was going down was about envy. how i envied those that had more toys when i was in active addiction and how sometimes today i envy those who seem to get the spiritual gifts of the program, seemingly without any effort at all. i do not know if wanting things without doing any work is a trait of being human, or of being an addict, and you know what it really does not matter. today i have the means at my disposal to obtain those things i want be it material, emotional or spiritual. the question for me is, ‘do i want to do the work necessary to get them?’
and the answer often is not on a cold day in hell! although the amount of time i spend in envy is less these days, the amount of time i spend in laziness is ever present. if i want to own that big house with my beautiful girl friend, and that 2007 mercedes sportster, and be a spiritual giant and have all kinds of friends who hang on my every word, then i need to figure out what it will take to get them. perhaps it is only picking the magic numbers in this week’s lottery drawing. or maybe it is writing for someone to die so i can inherit tones of ca$h. or perhaps it is a trip to some distant mountaintop to receive the ultimate truth from the hermit that has been there for years. all of those alternatives imply a quick fix, and desiring a quick fix is truthfully a symptom of the active part of my addiction. the reading this morning spoke to quite a different path however, it spoke of making a list of what i desired, researching how to obtain those wishes, speaking with my sponsor and implementing a plan by doing the footwork. hardly the easier, softer way! but without a doubt a more spiritual path for me to follow. if i want a hard body, or tons of cash, or spiritual enlightenment, or healthy, meaningful relationships, i need to do the work to get them, including doing a bit of step work, being present for what is going on in my life and TAKING responsibility to do what is needed to get those desires.
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
way too much for my little pea brain this morning, but plenty to chew on all day! i do want more in my life and perhaps i am willing to do what it takes -- speaking of that the time to take responsibility and do what i agreed to do today has come -- off to the races i go!

∞ DT ∞