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🎜 in tune 🎝
posted: Thursday the 22nd of February, 2018 07:38:58 AM
so i have been at this on a fairly regular basis for nearly twelve years. what started as a lark and a programming exercise has turned into a place for me to “journal” and chronicle my recovery journey. my intent, way back when, was to build an audience of thousands, who hung on my every word and interacted with me. what i got, was a dedicated band of dozens, who have followed me through my ups and downs. i get calls from out the blue, asking if there are any reservations i need to talk about, or providing me the many reasons to stay. i could have stopped writing this long ago, as it served its purpose, but over time, this exercise got re-purposed as a place where i could say what i wanted to say, without the consequences of of calling someone or something out, in the rooms of recovery. this is my safety valve, that allows this addict to foster an atmosphere of recovery, within the rooms and in civil discourse, because in this little niche i can say what i want to say. it is true, that over time, i have tempered my rantings to protect the anonymity of my peers, and it is also true, that this has not always been the case. yes, even intellectual brats and bullies can grow into something a bit more. i can safely say, that this little exercise on a daily basis is certainly my will, and maybe it is GOD's will as well. i may be vain and conceited but i am not willing to claim today that the screed i write here has some divine or spiritual purpose. it is however a great way to marry together my 10TH and 11Th steps into a barometer of how i am doing, in the here and now.
the question that now bares answering is how am i doing today? for quite some time, i have felt a bit out of sorts. blaming that feeling on a ballooning reservation and a growing desire to be somewhere else in my life, was easy and probably quite accurate. over the past few days, i have returned to some balance and as i sat in my service commitment yesterday afternoon, i grew a pair and said, “sorry no, two is my limit at this time.” what i also heard last night was that i have been more than guilty of seeing the men i sponsor as projects, rather than human beings, especially those who are incarcerated. i have been guilty of investing far more into their recovery, than they are willing to invest themselves, and as a result, i end up resentful and burnt-out. as i see that line more clearly, i realize that i am not a victim in this mess, i am actually the perpetrator, because it comes down to ego. i wear their success and failures as evidence of my own program and quite often i am walking down the street in the emperor's new suit, exposed in all my glory. where i am going today, is to give back their stuff, inform them of the depth of my commitment and be certain that i give what i can, as a match to their effort, and allow them the freedom to succeed or fail without seeing that as a reflection on me. tough work, but certainly a much better project than many of the ones i am now involved in. it is a good day to be clean and a better day than i have had in the past few weeks. i may succeed or fail in my endeavors today, heck i may end-up having to own a wrong or three, but just for today i will do what i can to live this program of recovery.
∞ DT ∞
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
Another Look!↔ my will -- God’s will ↔ 319 words ➥ Tuesday, February 22, 2005 by: donnot
α discovering the inconsistencies between my behavior and my values α 511 words ➥ Wednesday, February 22, 2006 by: donnot
¿ i may discover inconsistencies between my behavior and my values. i have been acting on my own will, ¿ 451 words ➥ Thursday, February 22, 2007 by: donnot
∞ i have found that the more i live in harmony with the will of my HIGHER POWER, the greater the harmony in my life. ∞ 483 words ➥ Friday, February 22, 2008 by: donnot
∞ in many cases, i find that my actions have been in tune with the will … 524 words ➥ Sunday, February 22, 2009 by: donnot
∞ in my life, i have found, that the more i live in harmony ∞ 765 words ➥ Monday, February 22, 2010 by: donnot
« i continue to take personal inventory and when i am wrong promptly admit it » 398 words ➥ Tuesday, February 22, 2011 by: donnot
≈ when i am acting on my own will and not that ≈ 356 words ➥ Wednesday, February 22, 2012 by: donnot
⇑ i wish to live in harmony with my world. ⇑ 472 words ➥ Friday, February 22, 2013 by: donnot
∏ with a growing awareness of what the will of the POWER ∏ 424 words ➥ Saturday, February 22, 2014 by: donnot
¤ i am more likely to live in greater concord ¤ 697 words ➥ Sunday, February 22, 2015 by: donnot
↳ GOD*s will, ≀ 697 words ➥ Monday, February 22, 2016 by: donnot
✫ uncovering the inconsistencies ✬ 873 words ➥ Wednesday, February 22, 2017 by: donnot
☯ The Tao that can be spoken is not the eternal Tao ☯
Translated by James Legge
1) He whose boldness appears in his daring (to do wrong, in defiance
of the laws) is put to death; he whose boldness appears in his not
daring (to do so) lives on. Of these two cases the one appears to
be advantageous, and the other to be injurious. But
When Heaven's anger smites a man,
Who the cause shall truly scan? On this account the sage feels a difficulty
(as to what to do in the former case).