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as i work the steps, i learn to accept myself just as i am. once this happens, i gain the freedom to become who i want to be. even if i do not know who that happens to be. lately this is the conundrum i have been facing. as i have progressed through this set of steps, i have the changes to who i am have piled up faster and more furious than ever before. at least that is my perception of it. what that translates to, is behaviors in myself and others, that i once ignore, tolerated or accepted, i now find beyond my capacity to tolerate. as i move forward into each and every day, i wonder who i will end up being pissed off at, in the course of my daily travails. however, with this not quite so welcome gift, i have also gotten the gift of temperance. i am able to allow myself to be angry, and not act until the emotional charge has been released and i am capable of acting in a spiritual manner. and that spiritual manner usually involves unpleasant conversations, when i have to tell someone that i refuse to be treated in such and such manner, and if they persist in doing so, i will have to limit my time with them. and man is that hard, standing up for myself, and setting or in most cases resetting boundaries in relationships that have existed for quite some time or may be brand new.
so moving forward from here has been and is a new adventure every day, and one of my most unpleasant conversations has been put-off for long enough. i am sick of being on this particular step and i am ready to do what it takes to move forward. this time i will not be put off, and i will set the boundaries of when and where. my life is far too short to be waiting on the convenience of others, as i can now see that is part of the problem and not part of the solution. so off to the showers and into this day, such as it is.

∞ DT ∞