Blog entry for:

Sat, Jan 14, 2017 10:10:02 AM


⇝ to do for me ⇜
posted: Sat, Jan 14, 2017 10:10:02 AM

 

what i cannot do for myself. today, the biggest thing i cannot do for myself is stay clean. i accept i lack the power to stay clean on my own and that i NEED to ask for and accept that power. from the POWER that fuels my recovery. i could go all in and repeat what i have said in the past about that POWER and whether or not it has any human defined attributes. yes i could, but i choose not to, what i will say is that in my way of looking at things spiritual, the POWER that fuels my recovery, exists in a place beyond words and need not be reined in by my limited human understanding. if receiving the power to stay clean on a day to day basis and having the opportunity to get everything i need, is loving and caring, so be it.
life on two legs and in recovery is interesting these days. as the pain of my little procedure finally begins to relent, i develop a cold. not surprising as to the shock my system has been going through and the resources i needed to devote to healing and fighting back an infection in one of the wettest and dirtiest orifices in the human body. what did surprise me, however, was my reaction to taking prescribed pain medication the other night. living in the real world today, i get that i did surrender and get some relief. i also get that IF i ask for the power to stay clean, one of the gifts i receive is the ability to stay clean. i also felt a bit cheated as when i took that medication, the three times i felt i needed to, i did not feel anything save for the relief of my pain. now i kind of understand why those who are “around” the rooms whine so much about recalculating their clean time when their desired outcome, namely getting high, did not come to pass when they chose to use. part of me, and i am being honest here, wanted a freebie. here i was using a medication as prescribed for a real medical condition, so where was the euphoria and escape that i once derived from substances of this nature? all i got was relief from my physical pain, even though i believed i was entitled to so much more. certainly illustrative of addiction being alive and well within the person i am becoming. no “supreme” recovery for this addict, just grinding it out day by day.
the other notion that has popped into my head is the bit of a kerfuffle caused by one of my peers, who fancies themselves as having SUPREME recovery. they speak of their recovery in a very public manner and actually seem to make a living out of being the SUPREME addict in our recovery community. being someone who loves self-promotion myself, of course that sort of behavior repulsed me from the beginning. over the past few days, he has outed a bunch of my peers on FaceBook by adding the to a very public page tied to specific substance addiction, after all opioid addiction and its attendant consequences have finally started to appear on white-bread America's radar. they are finally waking up to the notion that BIG PHARMA is creating a class of permanent customers and their great experiment create more deaths than homicides. so what does a self-promoter do? they make a public FaceBook page and add all the members of the local fellowship as followers, so they can cash in on the misery of addiction and enhance their reputation as having SUPREME recovery. makes perfect sense in the world today, why not make money or a name for yourself on the misery of others, as that is certainly the easier and softer way. after all, we have a president-elect who did just that, unite the miserable and deplorable under an umbrella and cash in on the FEARS, UNCERTAINTY and DOUBT of those who were in the middle and had to hold their nose as they cast their ballot for him. ah but i wander astray.
today i have a POWER that does for me, what i cannot do for myself and i have FAITH that if i allow that POWER to work in my life, everything will turn out as it is supposed to, which is the only thing i can HOPE for today. it is a great day to be clean and certainly one that i will allow myself to be more than just another abstinent addict, i will allow myself to thrive in a living and active program of recovery.

∞ DT ∞

 

djtConsulting Brand
The views expressed on this page are solely the opinion of the author.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.

Another Look!

↔  a loving power  ↔ 364 words ➥ Friday, January 14, 2005 by: donnot
α looking for love α 456 words ➥ Saturday, January 14, 2006 by: donnot
∞ these aspects of my recovery have their source in a loving HIGHER POWER, not a harsh, hateful one. ∞ 471 words ➥ Sunday, January 14, 2007 by: donnot
δ believing in a loving Power is quite a leap for me.Δ  348 words ➥ Monday, January 14, 2008 by: donnot
∞ i either believe in nothing but myself, or i believe that anything that could be called **God** … 570 words ➥ Wednesday, January 14, 2009 by: donnot
¿ since i came into the program believing that God is judgmental and unforgiving ¿ 439 words ➥ Thursday, January 14, 2010 by: donnot
∏ my understanding of a Higher Power is up to me ∏ 657 words ➥ Friday, January 14, 2011 by: donnot
♥ i will open my mind and my heart to trust that ♥ 512 words ➥ Saturday, January 14, 2012 by: donnot
£ i begin to experience a fullness of spirit £ 455 words ➥ Monday, January 14, 2013 by: donnot
— i have been told that i can believe in any kind of … 639 words ➥ Tuesday, January 14, 2014 by: donnot
∑ this POWER is ∑ 594 words ➥ Wednesday, January 14, 2015 by: donnot
🙈 a loving GOD 🙊 584 words ➥ Thursday, January 14, 2016 by: donnot
🌣 the ONLY suggested 🌣 726 words ➥ Sunday, January 14, 2018 by: donnot
☯ cold-hearted  ☯ 309 words ➥ Monday, January 14, 2019 by: donnot
🤔 as i become 🤯 581 words ➥ Tuesday, January 14, 2020 by: donnot
🌟 a fullness 🌟 553 words ➥ Thursday, January 14, 2021 by: donnot
🌬 doing for me 🌫 516 words ➥ Friday, January 14, 2022 by: donnot
🤓 an understanding 🤓 601 words ➥ Saturday, January 14, 2023 by: donnot
🤔 discerning 🤔 535 words ➥ Sunday, January 14, 2024 by: donnot
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☯ The Tao that can be spoken is not the eternal Tao ☯

THE TAO TEH KING, OR THE TAO AND ITS CHARACTERISTICS
by Lao-Tse
Translated by James Legge

Book 1

2) Therefore the sage holds in his embrace the one thing (of humility),
and manifests it to all the world. He is free from self- display,
and therefore he shines; from self-assertion, and therefore he is
distinguished; from self-boasting, and therefore his merit is acknowledged;
from self-complacency, and therefore he acquires superiority. It is
because he is thus free from striving that therefore no one in the
world is able to strive with him.