Blog entry for:

do understand me and provide the insight i need to continue my recovery today. even so, i am slow to call, quiet at meetings and do my best to hide when i am feeling less than stellar from the very folks who can help me.
after a useless slide over to Boulder to see the perio, they cancelled all appointments today and called me at work, and moving the snow off of my concrete surfaces, i am back at this and ready to rock. first though, there are a few of my peers i need to congratulate about another trip around the sun clean:

Todd T,
16 years of doing it just for today.
Congrats my friend and keep coming back.

Tracy D,
4 years clean!
Congrats and keep coming back.

back to reaching out to my peers, even when things are going good. i do have a habit of calling one addict in recovery, every single day, that started so long ago that my day feels weird, if i do not make that call. he was the one addict who happened to answer my call that fateful night when i thought of turning left and going to a liquor store instead of turning right to come on home. i was helping a friend die and that evening it felt too much to bare any longer. i was tired of feeling sad, pretending to be strong and showing up day after day, while he held on to life. that night, i just wanted to feel nothing and was considering the bliss a bottle of alcohol could bring me. he answered and i am not sure what if anything he said that night. after making the call, i did not feel any better but i was able to cope with my feelings and knew that i could go home and get on with my life in recovery, and with another day clean. i have more than likely written about that night more than once, but it was that experience that convinced me that i need to call an addict in recovery every single day,. just so i had practice when i really needed the voice of a peer to tell me, that using was not the best option for me.
this morning i have a few decisions to make and a letter or two to write. part of what i am today is compassionate and empathetic, and after participating in a FIFTH STEP yesterday, instead of watching football, i am all about exercising my recovery once again. today i think i can give another addict the support he is asking for, even though i do not think it will help. it is not that much different than my service efforts, i never know where the seed will land and take hold.
so after a quick application checkout and posting this little ditty. it is off to a smoke-filled room, to enjoy what i have been denied for the past seven days, a nice smoke and a day off. it is a good day to be clean and no i am not hiding in the weeds.

∞ DT ∞