Blog entry for:

and more loving decisions, may actually become second nature to me, some day in the future. just for today? well it is certainly easier to see the next correct thing to do and base that action on a bit of accumulated wisdom and the ability to love myself and others. as i pack up and get ready to roll to the fourteener i could complete, trudging through the snow fields last October, i remember that decision was one where i placed my safety ahead of my pride and admitted i was “out of gas.” i look back on that day with a bit of regret, as i tell myself i “SHOULD” have been able to complete that circuit and get all four of those peaks. when i do so, i know that is an echo of the old lie that i am “too broken” to do this or that, so i might as well pretend. when i start down that path, i can stop and take a minute to see that for what it is, me trying to return to my old patterns of thinking, because the new ones are so much more difficult.

Kathy, love of my life,
CONGRATS on Twenty-two (22) years clean.
Thank you for being a huge part
of my active recovery life.

moving into the here and now, the real values i value today, are based on the spiritual values i have learned to accept across the course of my recovery. for me, much to the chagrin of some of my peers, GOD is not the top of that list. caring for myself, in a partnership with the POWER that fuels my recovery, is of paramount importance in my day-to-day existence. that partnership keeps me clean and certainly keeps me a whole lot more sane than the alternative. it is what it is, my recovery, my view of the world, profane and sacred and how i have learned to love myself and those around me. the values i denied for twenty-five years are finally becoming just who i am and i do not regret that transformation, in any way. that too, just is.
so i guess i need to finish packing my “go” bag and dress out for the climb today. it is a good day to get above the ninety degree heat and out into some “fresher” air. i have a busy four days ahead of me, so i think i will take a breath and enjoy this day and worry about all of that, when the time comes, OR NOT! it is a good day to be clean and one i am excited to be living in the here and now.

∞ DT ∞