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support ends and enabling begins can be a baffling process and certainly one that has tripped me up, more than once in the past. as a result, my effort to help out addicts, especially the newest of the new, swings wildly back and forth form being totally involved to having absolutely no involvement at all, especially those who keep coming and going on the merest of the breeze of life on its own terms. more than once i have had to walk away from a relationship with a yo-yo addict, because i was starting to take on the responsibility for keeping them clean, no matter how outrageously ironic that may sound. the fact of the matter is, i cannot keep myself clean, where in the world do i get the notion that i need to take the responsibility to keep someone else clean.
this morning. as i booked around my local environs what struck me the most is how some construction companies are diligent in their work and get things done correctly and quickly and some are quite the slackers, closing off an intersection to pedestrians for nearly two weeks, because they do not seem to have their act together. i see that as a metaphor for recovery as well. not that working the steps with super sonic speed may be a good thing, but rather the notion that doing as much as one can on a daily basis, is better than alternating between the tortoise and hare modes. i am sure that one of these days the sidewalks will get done and more than not to more than likely pass inspection. the upshot is that company is creating a dangerous situation for mall of us who walk, run, jog or bicycle through that intersection and they could have done one corner at a time, rather than creeping through reconstructing all four at the same time. they are getting a huge FAIL at accomplishing their work.
my take away from the tale to two concrete projects is that i NEED to apply my assets and resources to create the greatest good. of course that changes, and one week it may be taking a call every day from a still suffering addict and listening to him whine about the nature of his views on life on its own terms. in another week, it just may be walking, talking and hanging out with those peers who are my friends. today i am okay with the balance i have achieved in my life. i am no longer enabling a using addict to self-diagnose lack of effort as depression and wonder where their next sugar daddy will come from. i know i am not in a knight in shining armor galloping to rescue the fair damsel from the distress of life on life's terms.
now it is time for me to get rolling on work stuff. i have a whole new world to explore and many hours of work to do just that. it is a wonderful day to be clean and to realize that just showing up and being present may be enough to help another addict stay clean, just for today.

∞ DT ∞