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rather, that POWER is constantly by my side. there is no harm that life can do to me, that the God of my understanding cannot heal. testing, testing and more testing, this is one of those refrains i hear when some people share that drives me nuts. my recovery is being tested, my FAITH is being tested, my serenity is being tested, and blah blah blah. if life is that much of a test, perhaps they need to change something, and preferably not their clean date.
so when this reading comes up every year, i breathe a heavy sigh of relief, because if they happen to read it, perhaps something will sink in and perhaps they will change the nature of the GOD of their understanding.
so what do i need to do? well for one let go of how other people make themselves so miserable. for me, i understand life may be a bed of roses, but roses have a thorn or two and as i lay in that bed i will get painfully pricked. living in the real world is always going to have pain, that is a fact. the painful situations come and go, and it is up to me to rely on THE POWER THAT KEEPS ME CLEAN, for the support i need to face that pain, accept that pain and move forward in my life, just for today.
i could stop there, and perhaps i have been on this soap box long enough, i have said it before, that i am not one of those who came by FAITH honestly. i had to examine all the possibilities, look for evidence that something was out there, then and only then did i start to believe that a POWER was keeping me clean. a POWER far beyond on understanding and a POWER that worked in ways that are totally opaque to me. yes i could fall back on those mysterious ways argument, but that too, is quite unsatisfying to me. instead i just look at life as a dichotomy of pain and pleasure. pain is inherent in the human condition and not the result of some DIVINE joke. for me to believe anything else would be counterproductive and put me back in the state of active addiction. after all, if life is just a series of painful tests, why should i bother doing the work to stay clean? yes i do admit, i am spinning a world view to support my recovery, but why should i spin it in any other direction? so if this was a test, i do not know what my grade would be. today i have FAITH that no matter what life throws at me, i can get through it without using. and on the rock of that FAITH, i think i will move forward into the real world and see what i can get accomplished today.

∞ DT ∞