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at those times, i NEED to remember to include my FAITH in a HIGHER POWER, as this is one of the greatest gifts i have received from working the Twelve Steps. well i could get all mushy about how important that this gift is, and how often i forget the importance of this gift. another direction i could go is how i came to recovery without any FAITH, and have learned to grow some as the result of hanging around, doing a bit of the work and letting go of what i thought i needed to hold on to. while i am not averse to either of those entry points into this discussion, i do believe that i will go a different direction. the true irony of this is, that here is sit over four thousand five hundred days after my last use, talking about and being grateful for a relationship with something that i cannot touch, smell, hear, taste or see. i am still just as rational and logical as i used to be, working the steps has not dulled my intellect one jot, in fact, if anything it has sharpened my analytical skills and refined my ability to be logical and see through the smoke. so what changed? well that is a tough question to answer with any sort of detail. in lieu of that, i will just say, that i opened my mind to the possibility that POWERS greater than i existed and could affect my life. those effects are quite evident today, in the coincidences or miracles or whatever you wish to call them that are my life today. after all, people like me do not stop using drugs under their own power, no matter how smart, stubborn or single-minded they happen to be. people like me, use until they die, or something drastic happens that prevents them from using anymore. yet, here i sit, clean, and grateful for being clean today.
which is quite a segue into the whole FAITH thing. what i have developed may not fit the classic definition of FAITH, as i had and still have to accumulate evidence that there is something GREATER than me that provides me the means to stay clean today. that same SOMETHING also provides what i NEED to survive and yes even thrive on that same daily basis. that SOMETHING, which some choose to call GOD for lack of a better term, has shown that IT is active in my life. that activity provides the evidence i need to strengthen my belief and grow the conditional FAITH that has become the cornerstone of my recovery. that does not mean when times get bad, and they have for me and will again, that is evidence that IT has stopped working. that is just evidence that life on this mortal coil contains pain and suffering along with joy and fulfillment. i know, a nice spin that borders on sophistry, but for me a helluva a lot better than ‘GOD works in mysterious ways!’
so this person, one who fits the classic definition of being an addict, is grateful for being an addict this morning. after all, if i was not, i would have never been introduced into this whole mystical world of connecting with a HIGHER POWER. next on my gratitude list is my RELATIONSHIP with a HIGHER POWER that provides me the FAITH i need to persevere. and so on!
anyhow, the time has come to get out and trot around the neighborhood, as HP has also given me the desire to be fit today. life with all its twists and turns is good today, so it is time for me to drink from its cup. until tomorrow or whenever, have an excellent life.

∞ DT ∞