Blog entry for:

the walls of isolation and my defiance of anyone or anything that i thought could hurt me did not allow anyone in. this attitude made for a very lonely existence. the barriers i built kept me safe from everyone and everything, or so i believed. in actuality all they kept me from doing was accepting myself, i did not believe i was some kind of monster, i KNEW that i could never 'fit in', so what was the point of even trying to.
well then i was forced to come to the program by what i thought were circumstances beyond my control. once here and safely ensconced in the rooms, i began the process of coming to terms with who and what i am. through the process of the steps, that knowledge has not always been welcomed nor appreciated. at first, it gave my disease the tools necessary to use my lack of self-acceptance against me. if i did not like what i was discovering, quit, after all what do i have to lose? actually everything!
the process of learning to accept myself just as i am, without delusions or sugar coating has been painful and not without a hiccup or two. the results however are that today i can walk with confidence and self-assurance, instead of egotistical arrogance. today i can offer my experience, strength and hope instead of advice and judgment.
i have yet to achieve perfect self-acceptance, but at least today i have a chance to get better and like myself just a little bit more!
∞ DT ∞