Blog entry for:
Wed, Apr 13, 2005 05:51:47 AM
∞ people-pleasing, spiritual principles and me! ∞
posted: Wed, Apr 13, 2005 05:51:47 AM
when i do not live by spiritual principles it provides me with the ammunition i need to beat myself up and show how this whole recovery gig is a waste of time. i can use my knowledge of these principles as yardstick to disqualify myself, withdraw from the company of my fellow addicts, and spin back into the world of degradation and despair that i came from where people-pleasing was just one of my repertoire of manipulative and dishonest behaviors to achieve my ends.
people-pleasing in recovery however, takes on an entirely new dimension. i was such as user of people when i was actively participating in my disease that i actually believed that doing whatever anyone wanted after i got clean was the spiritual opposite. and besides, i had to leave all my playmates behind if i hoped to ever have a chance at getting more out of life than mere existence. the more people who liked and approved of me the better i felt and the better i thought i was doing. the amazing part of this whole thing was pointed out in the reading this morning, since i did not like or even approve of myself i had to fill that need by seeking your attention, approval and affection.
well things have changed for the better, over the course of time, i have learned to tolerate myself, accept myself as i am (a flawed human individual who is struggling to get better) and even (GASP) love myself. i would love to say that i no longer engage in the dishonest and manipulative behavior of people-pleasing, but that in and of itself would be a LIE, rather i participate in it much less and recognize and stop it much of the time. it is that i do not care what you think of me, i do! nor is it that i do not want to be approved of and loved, i do! it is just that this morning i realize that true happiness and approval have to come from within me and not via the strokes i get from my friends and family. do not get me wrong, i still like the strokes. but just for today i can strive to live a better life for myself by exercising the spiritual principles that have been given to me.
∞ DT ∞
people-pleasing in recovery however, takes on an entirely new dimension. i was such as user of people when i was actively participating in my disease that i actually believed that doing whatever anyone wanted after i got clean was the spiritual opposite. and besides, i had to leave all my playmates behind if i hoped to ever have a chance at getting more out of life than mere existence. the more people who liked and approved of me the better i felt and the better i thought i was doing. the amazing part of this whole thing was pointed out in the reading this morning, since i did not like or even approve of myself i had to fill that need by seeking your attention, approval and affection.
well things have changed for the better, over the course of time, i have learned to tolerate myself, accept myself as i am (a flawed human individual who is struggling to get better) and even (GASP) love myself. i would love to say that i no longer engage in the dishonest and manipulative behavior of people-pleasing, but that in and of itself would be a LIE, rather i participate in it much less and recognize and stop it much of the time. it is that i do not care what you think of me, i do! nor is it that i do not want to be approved of and loved, i do! it is just that this morning i realize that true happiness and approval have to come from within me and not via the strokes i get from my friends and family. do not get me wrong, i still like the strokes. but just for today i can strive to live a better life for myself by exercising the spiritual principles that have been given to me.
∞ DT ∞
The views expressed on this page are solely the opinion of the author.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
Another Look!
∞ needing the approval of someone else to feel okay about myself? ∞ 337 words ➥ Thursday, April 13, 2006 by: donnotδ the inner satisfaction i seek can be found in doing the right things for the right reasons. δ 620 words ➥ Friday, April 13, 2007 by: donnot
↔ low self-esteem can make me think i need the approval … 298 words ➥ Sunday, April 13, 2008 by: donnot
δ when others approve of what i do or say, i feel good; when they disapprove, i feel bad. δ 257 words ➥ Monday, April 13, 2009 by: donnot
∝ i **people-please** when i do things, right or wrong, solely to gain the approval of another person ∝ 706 words ➥ Tuesday, April 13, 2010 by: donnot
∩ approval-seeking behavior carried me further ∩ 794 words ➥ Wednesday, April 13, 2011 by: donnot
⊗ with the help of the POWER that fuels my recovery , 489 words ➥ Friday, April 13, 2012 by: donnot
♥ i CAN break the people-pleasing cycle when ♥ 694 words ➥ Saturday, April 13, 2013 by: donnot
³ when i stop acting merely to gain the approval of others, ³ 538 words ➥ Sunday, April 13, 2014 by: donnot
∫ i break the people-pleasing cycle when ∫ 694 words ➥ Monday, April 13, 2015 by: donnot
☟ people - pleasing ☝ 648 words ➥ Wednesday, April 13, 2016 by: donnot
✔ thinking that i ✖ 795 words ➥ Thursday, April 13, 2017 by: donnot
😱 doing whatever 😱 646 words ➥ Friday, April 13, 2018 by: donnot
🌄 how the opinions 🌄 684 words ➥ Saturday, April 13, 2019 by: donnot
🌬 thinking that i 🌫 297 words ➥ Monday, April 13, 2020 by: donnot
👣 feeling okay 👌 446 words ➥ Tuesday, April 13, 2021 by: donnot
👌 doing the 👌 516 words ➥ Wednesday, April 13, 2022 by: donnot
🔍 finding the 🔎 701 words ➥ Thursday, April 13, 2023 by: donnot
🤓 i do not 🤓 453 words ➥ Saturday, April 13, 2024 by: donnot
☯ The Tao that can be spoken is not the eternal Tao ☯
by Lao-Tse
Translated by James Legge
Book 1
3) Hence, those with whom he agrees as to the Tao have the happiness
of attaining to it; those with whom he agrees as to its manifestation
have the happiness of attaining to it; and those with whom he agrees
in their failure have also the happiness of attaining (to the Tao).
(But) when there is not faith sufficient (on his part), a want of
faith (in him) ensues (on the part of the others).