ยน foundation first ยน
Posted: Sun, Nov 22, 2015 10:59:33 AM
i often speak about life beyond getting clean, that some interpret as **advanced** recovery. i can honestly say that i do not see it as anything more than natural extension of what can happen when one works the steps and does their best to apply them in their life. the notion that i MUST spend a life time building a foundation is more than a bit suspect, and the reading may not say so, but it strongly implies that once and if i build a strong foundation, i can reconstruct, or as the case be construct a life beyond mere abstinence.
i know that some of my peers, can their lives back very quickly and all of a sudden, doing the stuff that got them their lives back, seems like a whole lot of drudgery. the whole recovery gig, while the impetus of their new found life, is dull, time-consuming and seemingly without any immediate payoff, and it would be difficult for me to disagree with that statement. the fact is: doing the next right thing, just because it is the net right thing does not create mounds and mounds of excitement. in fact, more often than not, i can misinterpret serenity for dull and boring. i can misinterpret success in my life for power and manageability. and i can certainly mistake lack of a desire to use as a return to sanity. just a little Jedi mind trick or two and BOOM, it is all my work and all my power and the last thing i need is a HIGHER POWER, STEP work, meetings or the input of my fellow travelers.
for me, it is the foundation that supports my growth into becoming the sort of person i want to be. it is the foundation that provides me the HOPE, that although it may feel as if i am stumbling around in the dark, there is a POWER that is fueling my recovery. it is that foundation that provides me the FAITH, to keep on doing this, day after day, no matter how trivial it may seem to me. i am certainly a creature of habit and ritual, and the habits i formed while building my foundation all those many days ago, are still part of my routine today.
honestly, i am quite sure that all of those who have left the rooms, or become recovery thieves, are suffering, using or even notice that their lives may not be a serene as they were when they maintained their foundation. i know that the stuff i did when i was struggling to get clean, when i was only a member of the No Matter What club, and when the switch finally flipped and i entered recovery, is the stuff i still need to do today. i can whine about how meetings are boring and i never hear anything new, but i still keep going to them. i may know exactly what one of my peers is going to say, and yet i keep calling them. i may know exactly what a step will do to me, as it works me over, and yet i persevere. i may not get blinding lights, drum rolls and screams of ecstasy, but i still do my best to feel the will of the POWER that fuels my recovery.
yes everything that i had to do to GET clean and start my recovery journey, is still the same stuff i have to do today, to maintain that structure. it is my foundation that i need to keep an eye on, not all the stuff i have built upon it.
i could go on and on, but you get the notions. i have no lost love for those who get this gig 180 degrees out of perspective. for me, it is my life that needs to be fit into my recovery, regardless of how big, full and satisfying that life may be. recovery is not just a passing fad, or the latest and greatest, it is the SOURCE of my life and for that i am grateful. today, and just for today, i will do whatever it takes to keep my foundation solid and walk the path of recovery, whether or not is is just the basics or it is implementing spiritual principles into my life.
i know that some of my peers, can their lives back very quickly and all of a sudden, doing the stuff that got them their lives back, seems like a whole lot of drudgery. the whole recovery gig, while the impetus of their new found life, is dull, time-consuming and seemingly without any immediate payoff, and it would be difficult for me to disagree with that statement. the fact is: doing the next right thing, just because it is the net right thing does not create mounds and mounds of excitement. in fact, more often than not, i can misinterpret serenity for dull and boring. i can misinterpret success in my life for power and manageability. and i can certainly mistake lack of a desire to use as a return to sanity. just a little Jedi mind trick or two and BOOM, it is all my work and all my power and the last thing i need is a HIGHER POWER, STEP work, meetings or the input of my fellow travelers.
for me, it is the foundation that supports my growth into becoming the sort of person i want to be. it is the foundation that provides me the HOPE, that although it may feel as if i am stumbling around in the dark, there is a POWER that is fueling my recovery. it is that foundation that provides me the FAITH, to keep on doing this, day after day, no matter how trivial it may seem to me. i am certainly a creature of habit and ritual, and the habits i formed while building my foundation all those many days ago, are still part of my routine today.
honestly, i am quite sure that all of those who have left the rooms, or become recovery thieves, are suffering, using or even notice that their lives may not be a serene as they were when they maintained their foundation. i know that the stuff i did when i was struggling to get clean, when i was only a member of the No Matter What club, and when the switch finally flipped and i entered recovery, is the stuff i still need to do today. i can whine about how meetings are boring and i never hear anything new, but i still keep going to them. i may know exactly what one of my peers is going to say, and yet i keep calling them. i may know exactly what a step will do to me, as it works me over, and yet i persevere. i may not get blinding lights, drum rolls and screams of ecstasy, but i still do my best to feel the will of the POWER that fuels my recovery.
yes everything that i had to do to GET clean and start my recovery journey, is still the same stuff i have to do today, to maintain that structure. it is my foundation that i need to keep an eye on, not all the stuff i have built upon it.
i could go on and on, but you get the notions. i have no lost love for those who get this gig 180 degrees out of perspective. for me, it is my life that needs to be fit into my recovery, regardless of how big, full and satisfying that life may be. recovery is not just a passing fad, or the latest and greatest, it is the SOURCE of my life and for that i am grateful. today, and just for today, i will do whatever it takes to keep my foundation solid and walk the path of recovery, whether or not is is just the basics or it is implementing spiritual principles into my life.
∞ DT ∞