Some memes

can be like using anything else, substances, people or ideas. i sometimes wonder why we are not provided the tools to change remorse from a destructive force in our recovery until we work through seven steps. i know for me the remorse i felt over what was revealed in my first fourth step inventory, shamed me into waiting almost a month to share that inventory with my sponsor. what the reading spoke to me about today was changing remorse from a tool to be used by the part of me i call my disease, into a tool for healing through recovery.
for me, remorse is a powerful component of the shame-based life i led in early recovery. of course i was in a different fellowship, working the steps in a different manner and a whole different person, but all that does not matter today. the path then was discovery -> remorse -> shame -> acting out, and that path is still present today. but i do have an alternative path today that i can choose discovery -> remorse -> self-forgiveness -> acceptance. that second path is a gift that has been given to me because of the way i worked the steps, two fellowships, three sponsors and many days. i understand today that i am not some sort of monster running around spewing foulness to every part of the planet i trod upon, and even when i was spewing across my path, i was not an evil person, just a sick one who behaved in an amoral manner. do i have remorse for the actions in my life so far? YOU BET! but i now have the tools to use that remorse to my advantage, i can look for a new manner of behaving, i can forgive myself, i can repair the damage i have done to the world around me and most of all i can minimize the damage i cause today. i have yet to learn how not to do any damage, perhaps that will come tomorrow, but i can use the guidance of my remorse to live in a better manner today and walk the path of freedom from active addiction. after all it is just for today!

∞ DT ∞