โ new ideas, new ways of living, shared from the experience of others โ
Posted: Tue, Apr 11, 2006 06:55:48 AM
you know, after a day stuck at my house all day, and after my morning meditation, i realize that i am more than a bit pissed-off at some of the shenanigans that went on at the service event on saturday. not the posturing and the politicking, that was to be expected but some the the stuff that i had to personally address one on one. and since most of it came from those whom i do not like nor respect, it got me to thinking about what it was that i was truly angry about.
HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!?!?!?!
a new idea, opening my mind to what is really going on inside of me instead of slamming one or four others with whom i have the pleasure of sharing my service commitments. honestly i can see a couple of things going on inside of me. first off, all of those with whom i am angry with have demonstrated some of my favorite character defects, blame shifting, procrastination, defensiveness and judgmentalness, and i really do not being reminded that those defects have yet to be removed from me. secondly that little subset of humanity has more clean time than i do, and i know that the quantity of clean time does not really count, it is the quality that matters, but what i see is that i too can end up in the same place as i perceive they are, if i allow myself to glide down the path towards active addiction.
so exactly what is the new idea that i am opening my mind to this morning? well it is that my justified self-righteousness is a product of my spiritual condition, and my anger is a reaction to others through that filter. that i really have no right to carry anger towards this group today and that if i do not let it go, i will have a brand new JUICY resentment. and although i am currently thinking about writing on that particular step, i really do not need to be adding to my resentment list. so my task today is to vent (which i have) and let it go, after all life is far too short to be a walking resentment!
HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!?!?!?!
a new idea, opening my mind to what is really going on inside of me instead of slamming one or four others with whom i have the pleasure of sharing my service commitments. honestly i can see a couple of things going on inside of me. first off, all of those with whom i am angry with have demonstrated some of my favorite character defects, blame shifting, procrastination, defensiveness and judgmentalness, and i really do not being reminded that those defects have yet to be removed from me. secondly that little subset of humanity has more clean time than i do, and i know that the quantity of clean time does not really count, it is the quality that matters, but what i see is that i too can end up in the same place as i perceive they are, if i allow myself to glide down the path towards active addiction.
so exactly what is the new idea that i am opening my mind to this morning? well it is that my justified self-righteousness is a product of my spiritual condition, and my anger is a reaction to others through that filter. that i really have no right to carry anger towards this group today and that if i do not let it go, i will have a brand new JUICY resentment. and although i am currently thinking about writing on that particular step, i really do not need to be adding to my resentment list. so my task today is to vent (which i have) and let it go, after all life is far too short to be a walking resentment!
∞ DT ∞