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to my spiritual, material, physical and emotional well-being in active addiction is beyond my ability to tally. i can say that living a life in active recovery, is starting to ameliorate that damage, every day i stay clean. i may not buy into the notion that my greatest need is knowledge of a HIGHER POWER's will for me and the power to carry it out, but i do ascribe to the notion that some power, external to me, provides me the ability to stay clean, just for today.
i was starting down another path, into the mysterious and unknowable part of living a spiritual sort of life and i tripped over not having the words to describe what i was thinking. the fact of the matter is, that i am no longer tied to what i “think” my spiritual path “should” be. just because something cannot be defined by me, does not make it any less real. i was raised on a spiritual path that used mystery, majesty and ceremony. clinging to the familiarity of having someone to intervene with the divine for me, hardly prepared me for the seismic shift that occurred over the years i have been clean and actually learning how to live a program of recovery. not knowing what the “face” of the POWER that fuels my recovery looks like, does not add mystery to my spiritual path, it just removes one more barrier to my acceptance of that path.
i have to admit that i have felt “odd” ever since i woke up, asked for the power to stay clean today and started out on my morning routine. i have no clue as to what is going on, but i do know that no matter what, i do not have to use and that the desire to use is not upon me. i can say i was deeply affected last night by how long it took for the football game to be postponed, after a player technically died on the field. the level of callousness demonstrated by the powers that be is truly amazing and totally disheartening. i get that there is a shit-ton of money there that is at risk as well as the stake the gambling cartel has in getting the game completed, but damn it all, there was a HUGE human consequence and to dilly-dally around in front of a national audience does not look good fro the league in any regard. i truly expected those powers to be to tell the players to get over their bad selves and get back on the fields and finish the game. i am glad that the players and coaches won out and were willing to suffer whatever consequences that may come down, and there will be a consequence, humans that have that sort of power never take kindly to having their will thwarted.
moving into my day, it is time to let this go and get out and about, as my physical fitness program is as important as my spiritual fitness program. i am lucky to have taken to a program of recovery and accepted that i “needed” something to change. it may have come late in my life, but there is still enough time for me to make the corrections i need to make, by following the path as laid before by the POWER that fuels my recovery. i may not know those details, but i can listen and watch for the opportunity to get in tune with what is going on around me, just for today.

∞ DT ∞