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once i discover this level of comfort, i may tend to treat it as a **rest stop** on the recovery path. yes it may seem that i am missing the point of this reading, as i am choosing to focus on the symptom and not the **big picture.** well, i am quite tired of apologizing for what i do and do not do as my part of my program of recovery. this last set of steps has shown me, that i care more about how my program appears than how it is actually working, at least when i am sharing in meetings and around those whose opinions i seem to place value upon. well, this morning i am here to say, that i no longer will play that game. what i heard this morning, was to review my daily maintenance program and if changes need to be made, make them. yes there are a lot of things i could do better, or with greater diligence, or even more speed, but you know what, as i am discovering, my program of recovery is still working today, perhaps better than ever. all that apologizing and beating of my chest was what it was.
false humility? perhaps.
trying to fit in? maybe
whatever the cause of this behavior is totally irrelevant. what is relevant today, and every day, is am i doing what i need to do, to keep my recovery vital and of top priority? as i sit here this morning, pausing between steps 11 and 12, taking stock of where i am, and looking to where i am going, i feel a growing certainty that i am on the right path, and that today, i am doing what i need to do to keep myself on that path. i understand the consequences of becoming complacent, as i have seen what being complacent does to members who have significant clean time. i also understand that the one of the symptoms of the **disease** of addiction, is the denial of its presence and it active role in my life. can i stay clean on yesterday’s program? well maybe, BUT that is a chance i am unwilling to take. so where is all this leading? it is leading to this conclusion, i am clean today, i choose to practice a program of active recovery, and i am willing to do what it takes today, to keep those two statements factual. this program may look similar to the program i practiced at eleven months, eleven days or even eleven years clean. what i desired at those particular milestones from recover, is similar to what i desire today, BUT what i want today, is much more than i wanted back at those various times in my recovery? today i want to do more than just stay clean. today, i want to grow into the man i always wanted to be, and i am quite willing to do what it takes to foster that growth process. the truth is, i do need meetings, and there are times when i need a meeting a day or more, this is not one of those times. the truth is that i need to speak to an addict every single day, and i do. the truth is i need to move forward in my step work, and i will, as i let the lessons from step eleven coalesce into the direction for step twelve. the truth is i need to be of service, and i am and will continue to be so. and the most important truth is that i need to let go, live a program and allow what needs to happen, happen. so as i wait for the return call to finish a responsibility i need to own, back eats i am struck with this conclusion, i can allow myself to become complacent or i can be active in my recovery. today i choose the active path rather than the complacent one, who knows what the decision will be tomorrow morning, chance are good, however that it will be similar to the one i made today.

∞ DT ∞