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i feel as though i am missing something for some reason, but i do not know what or why.
where was this reading sixty or ninety days ago when i was struggling with finding the ways and means to stay active in my recovery? i know the answer to that semi-rhetorical question right here, and my sponsor told me something very similar to the reading itself, specifically, it is up to me to find a way to make my recovery brand new. i am still struggling with the issue on some levels, i am not thrilled to listen to the parade of newcomers prattle on about nothing and how their day was or was not good. i am less than thrilled with the direction the trusted servants of my home group are leading the group. the last few newcomers who have asked be to sponsor them are out using. in my personal life outside the rooms, my life has taken off in new directions that i am thrilled about. so what i am uncovering is that my expectations of the program as practiced by others are not being met, leading to a state of uncertainty about where i think i am. back to the whole expectations thing again, surprise surprise!
referring back to the reading, there are some changes that i can make in my life in recovery to add a bit of spice. i can go to some different meetings and explore the possibility of changing my home group -- GASP -- after nine and a half years make some sort of drastic change like that? what will become of me? well who knows i may actually feel excited about attending meetings and being a part of the group conscience process at that level again. i will see what the day brings and perhaps tonight will be the first of many road trips to find the excitement in my recovery again. or maybe not, only time will tell!

before i finish, i need to take care of a bit of business
1. Happy Twenty-Eighth anniversary Linda L! thank you for being part of my life
2. Happy Third Anniversary Stevie Ray, thank you for reminding me that even though we have an outside influence , we can stay clean and find recovery

∞ DT ∞