Blog entry for:

i must remember to give to others what was so freely given to me.
and exactly what was given to me that i need to give back? well that question is one i ponder often when considering what i need to do to pay back my debt to the fellowship that has allowed me a new manner of living. well for one, they did not kick me out when all i could do is vent and puke about how i hated being in recovery, what would i call that -- well tolerance and perhaps love. they kept trying to tell me that i did not have to use no matter what, what would i call that, well i would have to call that love. those folks did everything in their power to guide me into this life, and all i did was resist for the longest time.
so flash forward to early May 2007, and what am i getting from the group today? after all it is all about me! well i still have a place to go and vent when i am angry or need to puke. i am still told that i do not have to use no matter what. but these days i get a reminder of what i was like all those days ago and i get a sense of gratitude about the direction my life has taken since i finally stopped fighting and surrendered to the fact that i am an addict and i do have a way out.
now what i have to think about what i am giving back. well lately not much. i have stopped sharing on a regular basis. if i share i might get asked to sponsor another newcomer. i do not show up at many meetings at all, after all TV and work are more important than going to a meeting. when i go to a meeting i do my best to ignore members i do not know.
so here cames a reading reminding me that the best service i can give is to be present for the newcomers arriving in the rooms today, which i am trying my best to avoid by rationalization and justification. so after that brief inventory it appears to me that i need to become better at doing what i am expected to do, that is carry the message to the newcomer, and that message is that there is HOPE WITHOUT DOPE and i am living example of that.

∞ DT ∞