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in spiritual reflection, i intuitively find the God within and see that i am in harmony with a Power greater than myself. as Clara might have said way back in the seventies or eighties **WHERE IS THE BEEF!?**
okay, so comparing my recovery to an ancient and iconic television commercial may not be a good way to start off this particular journey into my mind. HOWEVER, i am of the opinion this morning that perhaps it is where i need to go.
so exactly what do i expect when i pray and meditate. well, i keep saying that i do not expect **burning bush** kinds of experiences, but honestly, there is a part of me, who really would like one, just one mind you, in case SOMETHING is listening and thinks i am asking for something specific in prayer. i do go through phases where i wonder just what am i getting out of being diligent in practicing my eleventh step. as i start the sequence of the three final steps, i am sure i will be examining this in greater detail. i do know that i know what i know and i know what i feel, and i can finally start to trust my intuition for the first time since coming from recovery. not that somehow i am no longer an addict, no it is just that my recovery has altered me enough to begin to see that intuitively i know and feel things that were beyond my ken, up until now.
so what does that mean for me, right here and right now? well, the same things it has meant forever. let go of my expectations and open myself to the POWER that keeps me clean, and let whatever needs to happen within me happen. use prayer and meditation as a pathway to discover the beef, to return to the metaphor i have started. the beef is just not obvious, but is worth the search, it is the changes that have been and are still being manifest within me. and it is the desire to practice a program of active recovery, day in and day out. all of that and much much more are the gifts i get, my reward so to speak, for doing what i have been taught. it is my expectations that shut me off from the light of that realization and send me down the toilet into active addiction.
so anyhow, i do not know where i am going, but i do have to move on with my day, it is after all another day and i do need to earn my daily bread. so hasta la vista all!

∞ DT ∞