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i believed the truth was one thing, certain and unchanging, which i could grasp easily and without question. i still believe that the TRUTH is something that i can grasp easily and understand, that is of course, if i limit the scope of the TRUTH. nowhere in my worldview today do i have the sort of insight into LIFE, THE UNIVERSE and EVERYTHING, i once thought i possessed. in fact when i came to recovery, if you had asked, i could give you quite the treatise on the TRUTH, uninterrupted i could expound on that subject for days on end. today? well, if i let myself go, i could probably jabber on for days on end about the truth as i see it, but as to the TRUTH? well in that case i have grown beyond what i once believed i knew and live in a state of continual discovery as to what that TRUTH is, and how it affects me in the long and short run. you know what, i just a got a clue on how to proceed with on of the men i sponsor, focus on the truth and get him to give up what he knows about the TRUTH!
okay, i know that last statement sounds more than a bit strange and as such, quite the oxymoron. well it might be in another context, in the this context it makes perfect sense. what is the truth? the truth, for me, is that i am an addict. i am an addict who has chosen to live a life free from the use of drugs on a day to day basis. that lifestyle is provided to me and maintained by a proven and successful program of recovery, that only works when i give it my best effort. that effort is a direct result of working the steps and doing my utmost best to implement the spiritual principles contained within them, into my life. hold on, i am getting to the meat of this whole treatise right now. given all of that, the first step tells me that i am powerless over my addiction and my life is unmanageable. that is the operative TRUTH for my life today, yesterday, every day since the first time i got high, and perhaps for as long as i have lived, certainly until the day i shuffle off this mortal coil. as an addict i am self-centered and selfish to the exclusion of all else, and in that lifestyle, what i think i know about the TRUTH is colored through my necessity to consider myself the center of the universe and that all else revolves around me. because of that outlook, my perception of the TRUTH allowed mt believe that i was entitled to certain things, well actually everything, money, power, prestige, respect and undying love of others, all on my own terms. so it is no wonder that i was quite miserable when my world view collided with reality, after i started to abstain from the use of drugs. it is only through my growth, as i have worked and started to live the steps, that i can see that when i think i know the TRUTH, i am actually slipping back into my denial system. the TRUTH? well the TRUTH is that i am an addict and will continue to remain so, PERIOD. if i want to continue to have this life, then i have to continue to live this life as outlined in the program of recovery that has allowed me to live drug-free for this dozen or so years, PERIOD. all else i subject to interpretation and although the TRUTH may be unchanging, mu understanding of it and my perception of it is constantly changing, all i have to do is accept that and move along, PERIOD.
with that thought in mind, it is time to take the dawg out for a walk and allow myself to heal at least one more day before starting a new running cycle.

∞ DT ∞