ยจ i suspect that forces beyond my limited understanding are operating ยจ
Posted: Mon, Apr 12, 2010 08:27:16 AM
my journey through the Twelve Steps has brought about a profound and lasting spiritual experience. my view of the world is expanding to the point where 1 no longer possess an exaggerated sense of my own importance.
well, today, i am going to attempt a return to my work out routine. i have been nursing an injury to my plantar fascia and for the first time i think it may be healed enough to give it try. so now that i have dealt with my mundane world, it is time to delve into the divine.
it is ironic that over the past 20 hours my life has been wrapped up with two men who are currently out in relapse. one of them was a sponsee, BUT he knows that in order for me to sponsor him again, he has to return to the rooms, and in order for me to hang with him again, he has to stop using. he misinterpreted what i told him way back at the start of his run, and was of the impression i would not be his friend until he stopped using, which is what it is. the other man, is lying in a heavily sedated state after a brief -- and i mean very brief -- less than 48 hour run. the results are always the same for him, cops and hospitals, and yet after 20 years of being around the program, he still believes that this time it will be different. when he is in the rooms, he avoids talking any kind of program with me, and i actually keep my distance, as i do not hang with those who are active in their disease. the point is that as much as i may want it, i cannot force, influence or compel, either of these men to "GET" recovery. it is yet another lesson in my relative importance in the scheme of things, which quite neatly brings me back to the topic.
as i have grown in recovery, i have come to see, that i have been given the most precious gift that i could have ever received -- the gift of life. although that gift was given to me almost 53 years ago, i squandered it for years and years, and when i finally came to in the rooms of recovery, it had been nearly destroyed by my own hand. no the gift is not the physical gift of the spark of life, i still had fairly good physical health. the gift i am talking about is that spark of the divine that was within from the day i started to breathe, and the spark i tried to quench through my decades of using. the gift i got to recovery, was the ability to nurture that gift and allow it to blossom into something more. the gift was an awareness of that spark and the spiritual side of me that i nearly destroyed. as i move from self-will and closer to my own true will, i allow that side of me to grow, my awareness of what is and what is not to expand and my sense relative importance to become appropriately sized to the reality of the here and now. i can actually hear the voice of POWERS beyond my ken, and as i grow i get glimpses into where i am going on this spiritual journey.
right here and right now? well it is time to suit up and see what how a little run feels, after that work, acupuncture, more work and who knows what else this day will bring. i know that the gift has been given and it is up to me to accept and honor it to the best of my ability, as i progress through my diurnal cycle, i am certain that more will be revealed.
well, today, i am going to attempt a return to my work out routine. i have been nursing an injury to my plantar fascia and for the first time i think it may be healed enough to give it try. so now that i have dealt with my mundane world, it is time to delve into the divine.
it is ironic that over the past 20 hours my life has been wrapped up with two men who are currently out in relapse. one of them was a sponsee, BUT he knows that in order for me to sponsor him again, he has to return to the rooms, and in order for me to hang with him again, he has to stop using. he misinterpreted what i told him way back at the start of his run, and was of the impression i would not be his friend until he stopped using, which is what it is. the other man, is lying in a heavily sedated state after a brief -- and i mean very brief -- less than 48 hour run. the results are always the same for him, cops and hospitals, and yet after 20 years of being around the program, he still believes that this time it will be different. when he is in the rooms, he avoids talking any kind of program with me, and i actually keep my distance, as i do not hang with those who are active in their disease. the point is that as much as i may want it, i cannot force, influence or compel, either of these men to "GET" recovery. it is yet another lesson in my relative importance in the scheme of things, which quite neatly brings me back to the topic.
as i have grown in recovery, i have come to see, that i have been given the most precious gift that i could have ever received -- the gift of life. although that gift was given to me almost 53 years ago, i squandered it for years and years, and when i finally came to in the rooms of recovery, it had been nearly destroyed by my own hand. no the gift is not the physical gift of the spark of life, i still had fairly good physical health. the gift i am talking about is that spark of the divine that was within from the day i started to breathe, and the spark i tried to quench through my decades of using. the gift i got to recovery, was the ability to nurture that gift and allow it to blossom into something more. the gift was an awareness of that spark and the spiritual side of me that i nearly destroyed. as i move from self-will and closer to my own true will, i allow that side of me to grow, my awareness of what is and what is not to expand and my sense relative importance to become appropriately sized to the reality of the here and now. i can actually hear the voice of POWERS beyond my ken, and as i grow i get glimpses into where i am going on this spiritual journey.
right here and right now? well it is time to suit up and see what how a little run feels, after that work, acupuncture, more work and who knows what else this day will bring. i know that the gift has been given and it is up to me to accept and honor it to the best of my ability, as i progress through my diurnal cycle, i am certain that more will be revealed.
∞ DT ∞