โ through my new awareness, i no longer feel isolated from the rest of the human race. โ
Posted: Thu, Apr 12, 2007 06:54:31 AM
i may not understand why the world is the way it is, in recovery, i can do my best to change it. when my individual contribution is combined with others, i become an essential part of a grand design.
whew, quite a bit to digest so early in the morning, being part of the BIG picture was never part of my world view, before i came to accept recovery i WAS THE BIG PICTURE! but of course none of that is news, what is news is that as i move along this journey that now has lasted more than three thousand and five hundred days, i am discovering, or better put uncovering the difference between doing recovery and recovery becoming my way of life. a case in point was that i got to speak to my sponsor last night and it seemed that at first i was there more for him than he was for me. the details are unimportant, but what happened, and the way i feel this morning is that i am a vital part of the world and the fellowship that has provided me the means to stay clean on a daily basis. not that the world or the fellowship would collapse if i died right here and right now, and not that i am some sort of irreplaceable part of that microcosm, but i am a part of a much greater whole, that when i participate i can affect some incremental change. i used to fantasize about being rich, famous and powerful. especially the powerful part, and i would go out of my way to exert what little power i had on the world around me. what that usually meant was using my power to make others miserable, because that was all i knew how to do. today, and i mean right this second, i do not wish to be powerful, rather i wish to affect what positive change i can without exerting my will. i have the desire to be part of a greater whole, and i have the desire to be an agent of change for the better. i have the desire to make my little contribution count, you know the biggest bang for my buck, but i will not exercise self-will to achieve that goal. i will just live my life by a few spiritual principles, do what is in front of me and allow the world to spin as it has always done, and that is goal enough for me today.
whew, quite a bit to digest so early in the morning, being part of the BIG picture was never part of my world view, before i came to accept recovery i WAS THE BIG PICTURE! but of course none of that is news, what is news is that as i move along this journey that now has lasted more than three thousand and five hundred days, i am discovering, or better put uncovering the difference between doing recovery and recovery becoming my way of life. a case in point was that i got to speak to my sponsor last night and it seemed that at first i was there more for him than he was for me. the details are unimportant, but what happened, and the way i feel this morning is that i am a vital part of the world and the fellowship that has provided me the means to stay clean on a daily basis. not that the world or the fellowship would collapse if i died right here and right now, and not that i am some sort of irreplaceable part of that microcosm, but i am a part of a much greater whole, that when i participate i can affect some incremental change. i used to fantasize about being rich, famous and powerful. especially the powerful part, and i would go out of my way to exert what little power i had on the world around me. what that usually meant was using my power to make others miserable, because that was all i knew how to do. today, and i mean right this second, i do not wish to be powerful, rather i wish to affect what positive change i can without exerting my will. i have the desire to be part of a greater whole, and i have the desire to be an agent of change for the better. i have the desire to make my little contribution count, you know the biggest bang for my buck, but i will not exercise self-will to achieve that goal. i will just live my life by a few spiritual principles, do what is in front of me and allow the world to spin as it has always done, and that is goal enough for me today.
∞ DT ∞