Blog entry for:

well this is a fact, although the examples given in the reading come off as more than a bit cheesy, i do understand what the whole point is.
not that my ideas of fun back in the day were as extreme as including gun play, there were all-nighters and certainly more than once where my idea of fun took me to places that were not exactly safe for me. a case in point was the time i found myself in the barrio in Cartegna Columbia, in a bar where no one spoke English. or when in early recovery i decided that hanging with a using buddy in New York, closing down strip joints and drinking near beer, was not only a great idea, but was actually fun.
although the details of either one of those stories are absurd and make for some good laughs NOW, back then, well let me just say, through the lenses of my recovery, i see that what was once fun to an active addict or one with clean time only is no longer appealing to me.
the problem that haunts me still today, is what is really fun? i still have euphoric recall of some very risky activities, like whitewater rafting. the problem with that particular activity is that the people i used to raft with are among those i left behind when i decided to make staying clean my top priority. since i never participated in that activity without substances affecting my judgment and feelings, i am clueless today as to whether or not i would find that enjoyable or even fun. what i can say is zip lining through the jungles of Nicaragua, snorkeling in the clear warm waters of the tropics and near tropics, hanging with my hon are activities that i have found fun and the only reason i was able to do those things is because of recovery. what about bowling? well i have yet to get rid of my bias about that activity. hanging out in crowds still gives me pause, but i have found fun at recovery conventions and service conferences. dances, not so much, but there is certainly room for growth there.
as i am running late, i will end this entry with the thought that fun today does not include using. even though i am at a place where i can hang with the other 85% in activities that allow them to use, that is a new development and is a product of my recovery program. it is quite true i attended a super bowl party where drinking was part of the appeal, and yes it was fun dealing with mentally altered, BUT it is not something i wish to make a part of my everyday life, hanging with users that is, not the having fun part. so no to some work before a massage,

∞ DT ∞