Blog entry for:

ever reminding me to place the spiritual principles of recovery before personalities. just for yesterday... i totally missed the point of what i read, by the time i got back to writing, definitely a lesson of when to write and when to just walk away. yes, i know, i did write about the 10th Step, however, at the meeting last night, i realized it was not really the 10th STEP that the reading was all about, it was about the wills and my behavior. so mea culpa, my readers and on to yet another just for yesterday thought.
at that same meeting, there were two women in attendance, who make my skin crawl just by opening their mouths. the good thing was that i rarely see one of them, as she lives far far away. i know what me issue with them, they both have publicly dissed someone i love. their issues with this person, IMHO, are failures in themselves and are from reality based. that is however my opinion, and to continue to disrespect them throws me under the same bus. the reading this morning, reminded me of what was going on inside my head last night, and the reason i RAN from the meeting instead of hanging out and being social. the last thing i want to do is own a wrong to either of those women, or <GASP> even worse an amends. the spiritual principle in force last night was get the FVCK out before i did something i would regret.
of course they both shared. of course i had to quiet the internal judge, just to have a chance to hear what they were trying to say. and what i heard was talking around the elephant in the room, self-entitlement and behaviors arising from that particular slice of human psych. needless to say, the reading this morning reminded me, that although i do not like to think so, i too am just as guilty of believing myself entitled to everything and everyone. i was lucky or perhaps healthy enough to hear what i needed to hear, although the message did not sink in until this morning that is: “winging the messenger still allows some of the message to creep in!”
no matter how noble i tell myself i may be. no matter how justified i may think my opinion of someone happens to be. no matter how correct i may be, I AM NOT ENTITLED to kick anyone out of the rooms, even if it only in my head. there was some sort of justice to having to suffer through what i did last night, perhaps it was just to get me going this morning on this topic. it certainly spins my world ion a different direction this morning, and perhaps the next time i have to share the same air as them, i will be better able to shut off my opinion, silence the judge, and actually listen to what they happen to be offering me in that slice of time. it also reminds me that today, i can walk with that lesson in mind and do my best to place the principles of the program before any personality issues i may have. after all, who the FVCK am i to judge the quality of another member's program? i am another addict doing my best to recover from addiction, one day at a time, no more, no less. that is more than enough for any one person to deal with this morning.

∞ DT ∞