Blog entry for:

i am becoming free to live, with all of its attending consequences. that is not necessarily a bad thing, it is however a statement of fact. now i have bills to pay, places to be, clients to satisfy, sponsees to make time for, family obligations and the desire to have some time for myself, which includes my recovery program stuff as well as fitness and relaxation. as the reading spoke about, sometimes it is hard to feel grateful when i cannot squeeze all of what i want and need to do, into the hours of each day. the activities that slip off the agenda, for me, are the things i need to do the most for me, like relaxation. it is no wonder that some days, just vegging in front of the telly is all i can do when the day ends and passive participation with my television becomes my relaxation activity.
so WTF is the miracle? the miracle is that i have the desire today to do all of that and much much more, and it is only the lack resources, as in time and energy, that prevents me from doing so. as opposed to when i came to recovery where finding the ways and means to get FUBAR consumed the hours , minutes and seconds of my days. even right now, i am checking over some work i did this morning, to make sure it looks good, and it is damn close!
the real miracle here, besides all of the other ones, is that today, the stuff i am complaining about, is stuff that was not part of my life back in the day. the only activity i would like to bring back from that dustbin is rafting, however, that will have to wait for the water levels to recede as, i am so out of shape in this regard, that relying on what i once knew would be more than a bit dangerous. who knows what the end of the summer will bring, i found a potential partner for my running career, such as it is at the social event i attended on Saturday evening. perhaps road running will become more than just a mode of fitness for me.
anyhow, i have run out of time this morning, and i need to get moving into the shower. it is a good day to be recovery and be so busy that i have to do more than one thing at a time. and that my friends is also a miracle of one more day clean in the life of this addict.

∞ DT ∞