Blog entry for:
Fri, Jul 9, 2004 05:05:44 AM
my recovery is a miracle
posted: Fri, Jul 9, 2004 05:05:44 AM
i could say that i am still a mess and that nothing has changed
that would be a lie
i have learned many things in the course of this process and one of the most important is that i no longer need outside validation that i am on the correct path
does this mean that i do not desire this?
not yet!
however the desire to seek outside validation has greatly diminished
today i know who i am and exactly what my assets and liabilities are.
i can be a friend, a lover, a sponsor, a brother or a son exactly as i am. i do not have to be anyone else in any of those roles
i can be constant and true to myself without any wailing or gnashing of teeth
although i go through life in many different roles with a different set of expectations for each, does not mean that i have to be any different than i am.
self-worth and self-acceptance are among two of the many miracles that this program has worked in my life, and i am truly grateful for these gifts. i do not need external trappings to show who or what i am.
now of course i am back to the same old conundrum, i still sometimes want those status symbols; attention, affection, and validation. basically, although i have learned to be myself,
this process is far from complete.
those in my life know today that i can show up and be present, but that i can still be a sh!t and act out.
i am just a garden variety addict. my disease, character defects, and shortcomings are still present. the true miracle is despite this i can go through life causing a minimum of pain and chaos. i can be honest with those in my life and let them know what i am feeling. however,today the choice is mine whether i express myself in a hurtful, brutal manner or choose my words and actions with diligent care and concern for those i happen to share my life with.
i no longer need to be everything for everyone, i can be who i am and let them make the decison for themselves as to the nature of our relationship.
i am grateful that today i am who i am and that if i continue on the path i have been walking i will be who i will be.
that would be a lie
i have learned many things in the course of this process and one of the most important is that i no longer need outside validation that i am on the correct path
does this mean that i do not desire this?
not yet!
however the desire to seek outside validation has greatly diminished
today i know who i am and exactly what my assets and liabilities are.
i can be a friend, a lover, a sponsor, a brother or a son exactly as i am. i do not have to be anyone else in any of those roles
i can be constant and true to myself without any wailing or gnashing of teeth
although i go through life in many different roles with a different set of expectations for each, does not mean that i have to be any different than i am.
self-worth and self-acceptance are among two of the many miracles that this program has worked in my life, and i am truly grateful for these gifts. i do not need external trappings to show who or what i am.
now of course i am back to the same old conundrum, i still sometimes want those status symbols; attention, affection, and validation. basically, although i have learned to be myself,
this process is far from complete.
those in my life know today that i can show up and be present, but that i can still be a sh!t and act out.
i am just a garden variety addict. my disease, character defects, and shortcomings are still present. the true miracle is despite this i can go through life causing a minimum of pain and chaos. i can be honest with those in my life and let them know what i am feeling. however,today the choice is mine whether i express myself in a hurtful, brutal manner or choose my words and actions with diligent care and concern for those i happen to share my life with.
i no longer need to be everything for everyone, i can be who i am and let them make the decison for themselves as to the nature of our relationship.
i am grateful that today i am who i am and that if i continue on the path i have been walking i will be who i will be.
-- DT --
The views expressed on this page are solely the opinion of the author.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
Another Look!
δ miracle? which one! δ 342 words ➥ Saturday, July 9, 2005 by: donnot↔ if i have trouble seeing the miracle of recovery, i had better look again ↔ 573 words ➥ Sunday, July 9, 2006 by: donnot
μ it is true, i do injustice to the program when i take credit … 560 words ➥ Wednesday, July 9, 2008 by: donnot
↔ i may think i demonstrate humility or gratitude … 759 words ➥ Thursday, July 9, 2009 by: donnot
• i have often shared that the longer i am clean, the less i know about anything • 579 words ➥ Friday, July 9, 2010 by: donnot
≡ the time has come when that tired old lie, **Once an addict, always an addict** ≡ 662 words ➥ Saturday, July 9, 2011 by: donnot
∑ i will acknowledge the miracle of my recovery ∑ 653 words ➥ Monday, July 9, 2012 by: donnot
Δ i do an injustice - to myself and to those i share with — Δ 618 words ➥ Tuesday, July 9, 2013 by: donnot
ℵ the longer i am clean, ℵ 487 words ➥ Wednesday, July 9, 2014 by: donnot
◊ when i have trouble ◊ 374 words ➥ Thursday, July 9, 2015 by: donnot
😇 i do recover! 😈 808 words ➥ Saturday, July 9, 2016 by: donnot
🚥 underplaying the change 🚦 649 words ➥ Sunday, July 9, 2017 by: donnot
🛰 if one knew 🚣 491 words ➥ Monday, July 9, 2018 by: donnot
😵 the less 🙊 468 words ➥ Tuesday, July 9, 2019 by: donnot
🤔 the miracle 🤔 565 words ➥ Thursday, July 9, 2020 by: donnot
💥 the longer 💥 499 words ➥ Friday, July 9, 2021 by: donnot
👍 underplaying 👎 254 words ➥ Saturday, July 9, 2022 by: donnot
😉 courage 😏 321 words ➥ Sunday, July 9, 2023 by: donnot
☯ The Tao that can be spoken is not the eternal Tao ☯
by Lao-Tse
Translated by James Legge
Book 2
1) In a little state with a small population, I would so order it,
that, though there were individuals with the abilities of ten or a
hundred men, there should be no employment of them; I would make the
people, while looking on death as a grievous thing, yet not remove
elsewhere (to avoid it).