Blog entry for:

from trying to fulfill my dreams.
dreams do come true in recovery, the literature does explicitly state lost dreams awaken, and i have found that to be the case, at least for me and more than one of my peers in the rooms.
i also know that no matter how confident that i may appear, inside the tape has been playing for decades that since i always seem to be second best, why bother trying at all. it is easy when i settle and need not take the hit that shooting for the moon and missing places on my already fragile self image.
one of the gifts of a continual and active recovery process, is that stuff like this, the stories i have told myself for decades, that have faded into the white noise and background chatter that is my head, gets revealed for what it is. what is it? well in my case it is a limitation i place upon myself, it is not humility, but certainly one of the tools that addiction uses to keep me sick. where the notion of settling for second best came from, is really of no importance, as today i am not responsible for that. what is important and how this applies to the reading today, is how i want to stop this chatter from going on and apply active action to my life, as i uncover still more dreams i wish to fulfill.
who would have thought that coming to a program that treats addiction, would reveal core issues that keep me from allowing myself to be all that i could be? who would have ever dreamt of being able to look my internal demons in the eye and tell them, that just for today, they DO NOT OWN ME? certainly not me and more than likely no one who knew me back in the day, save my parents, who always viewed my accomplishments through their unconditional love shaped rose-colored glasses. well today, i am not buying that story and as i head on towards my career in Boulder, i can and will be certain, that although some days i am not the rock start at work, most days i am far better than i believe i am and it is up to me to let go of what my expectations are, in regards to all that i do.
yes, all i have to do, is let go of my past and allow my now to be the guiding force in my life and i can and will fulfill my dreams as they are revealed to me. so off to the job i go, to see what i can get done today.

∞ DT ∞