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i can greatly benefit from the experience of my peers who have walked this path before me. so this morning, when i have places to go and people to see, i have all sorts of ideas flowing through my head. the past two days, when i had both the time and the motivation to write volumes, not so much. as i have often said, so it goes, and i will do just that go with the flow and write until i have nothing left to write about.
how do i maintain conscious contact? for someone like me, far from the norm, when it comes to religious traditions and my concept of a HIGHER POWER, that can be a very tricky proposition. living in the 1% of the fellowship, way out in the very long tail, when it comes to spiritual matters, means that i have to make some accommodations with my peers, at least when it comes to talking about spiritual matters, not when it comes to being who i am, and walking the spiritual path i have been put upon. you know it would have been much easier to buy into the whole Judeo-Christian path, but being the stubborn son of a gun that i am, there was certainly no way that i could have or would have, done that. of all the easier, softer paths i could have chosen, and the only one that probably would not have hurt me, that was the one i was loathe to choose.
learning how to ask and how to listen, as i am not all that comfortable with the word prayer, ended up being very straight forward, in the long run. it all boils down to where the power to stay clean comes from. for me, that power comes from outside of me, as superstitious and ignorant as that may have once sounded to me, today i believe it with my whole heart and soul. since i believe and accept that postulate, what flows from that is: if the power to stay clean comes from outside of me, seeking out a POWER or power to provide that for me, is my first job of each and every day. that power has been the justice system, society, peer pressure, my family and finally the POWER that fuels my recovery, in different times of my life. i am certainly grateful hat i no longer expect a human agent to keep me clean, but have a POWER that provides what i need every single day, through the agency of my fellow human beings.
so how do i pray? i simple ask the POWER that fuels my recovery to give me the power to stay McLean today, ask to be present when the solution is presented to me and walk in the light of the spiritual path, secure in the knowledge that yes, even a junkie like me, can be more than he ever was, one day at a time.

∞ DT ∞