Blog entry for:

even when i could just as easily tell the plain truth. honestly i did quite a venomous dump yesterday, and it certainly helped me. i also left work early and hung out in the man cave of the cigar shop before heading home. last night, i slept deeply and soundly and this morning, the object of my vile dump, had lost any power that i had given her, and this morning? well this morning i am ready to roll on out with a spring in my step, well maybe not quite that chipper, but certainly in a much better space than i have been in over the past week.
so what does any of that have to do with twisting the truth to look the best i can, after all, that was my foray into lying. well what was really at the core of my anger, was my abdication of my personal power. how i let someone, push buttons, they did not even know were there, and lost my cool calm composure. ironically, the recipient of my power abdication, is clueless about what i have given away and for me that makes matters so much worse. over the course of the next forty-eight hours, i need to formulate a spiritual plan, to reclaim my power, put the object of my venom into their proper place in my life and return to work ready to do what i AM PAID TO DO, AND NOT A WHOLE LOT MORE.
for me, means being honest with how i am feeling and placing the blame on someone else for my reactions to them just being themselves, whether or not the are entitled, whiny or self-absorbed, is not the path to becoming the man i have always wanted to be. i can be just as whiny, entitled and self-absorbed and see where that takes me, or i can just let go, be myself and allow the POWER that fuels my recovery, to give me the space to stop the reactions and adapt my behavior to something more in line, with where i think i am going. which this morning is off to the shower, some side work, my home group meeting and my first virtual meeting with a sponsee. we will see what it all brings, as i am no longer in the thrall of wanting to dump on someone, because i volunteered to be their victim.

∞ DT ∞