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whether or not there are plans for our lives are carved in stone. man proposes, Allah disposes and on and on. across every major religious movement, there is a similar sentiment expressed, so why should one not be leery to make plans. after all, even in my very Western upbringing, over and over again, i heard i have free-will, BUT…! and the biggest BUT of all was that GOD was all-knowing, so no matter how i chose, HE already knew the outcome, and altered plans accordingly. in that world view, why bother, after all, it was being taught to me, that my life was hard-wired anyhow.
even in the more Eastern bent of spiritual traditions, pre-destiny, karma and dharma, are all tied together as well, so it seems no matter where i turn, no matter how much lip service is paid to the notion of free-will, the message i walk away with is it really does not matter, go with the flow, accept the lot in life one has been given and act righteously to improve the next one. is it any wonder, that someone like me, has difficulty making plans, accepting responsibility for my life, and paying attention to how those plans unfold. after all, i am prone to seek the easier, softer way; to look for the loopholes, and by all means, when push comes to shove, blame someone, anyone else, when my plans do not come out to my liking. railings at some faceless HIGHER POWER about the injustice of it all, is certainly a behavior i am quite familiar with, as well as slinking away in abject misery, because my plans did not turn out the way i had foresee and come to desire.
well, my journey to FAITH, has been an uphill battle against all of that. while it may be comforting to others to believe that there is some sort of plan for them, personally and that no matter what they do, it will be revealed to them and they will eventually get their just reward, for me, that never did and still does not sit well. no as i walked to the place i am at today, i am of the feeling that i create my own FATE through paying attention to the opportunities the POWER that fuels my recovery, presents to me every single day. some of them are as simple as being kind to a disagreeable (read a$$hole) person, some may end up taking my career and my finances into directions i could only dream about. each of these opportunities has its inherent risks, as well as consequences and all of them contribute to the direction my life will take, in the long and short term. it is no different that there is a statistic that says 4 out of 5 addicts will NOT find long-term recovery, after going through a treatment program. do i believe therefore i am destined to fail? no, the way i look at it is: WHEN i succeed, i have to get used to the fact that many will not. no matter how much it hurts, it is still up to me, to give them the chance to choose to be a member of the “no matter what” club. if that means i suffer the pain of them walking away in relapse or for some other reason, than so be it, the POWER that fuels my recovery WILL give me what i need to temper the pain and find JOY and HOPE on my current path. when i choose to do the next right thing, my reward is in the here and now, i become a better man. when i accede to the will of the POWER that fuels my recovery, i get what i need, today, not a promise of a distant reward. just as work to be part of that 20% who stick around, so i work to listen for and more importantly act on the opportunities i am presented each day. yes the POWER that fuels my recovery has given me this life, but i earned it, by paying attention, by taking risks, by making responsible choices and by doing what those who came before me, suggested that i do. not only am i responsible for my recovery, in this worldview, i am also responsible for my life. as much as i am tempted to tell someone what they “should or should” not do, i know that when i allow the POWER that fuels my recovery to speak through me, it will only be a suggestion. it is however getting late and i do need to shower off the drudge of the past twenty-four hours. life is good today, and i am grateful that i can be awake for it as well.

∞ DT ∞