ฮฑ i begin to wonder if my plans are the same as the plan of my Higher Power. ฯ
Posted: Fri, Nov 9, 2007 07:41:15 AM
i am capable of working myself into such a frenzy of worry over this question that i refuse to make any plans at all.
all of the theories about fate and destiny, if i chose to subscribe to them, would force me to just go with the flow, and it would seem that the program i choose to recover in, is part of that whole paradigm, at least on a cursory inspection. what i choose to believe is that my plans need to be made, and i need to do the footwork to further them to completion, but i also need to see if my plans are aligned with the POWER THAT KEEPS ME CLEAN AND PROVIDES FOR ALL MY NEEDS! so when i hear the clichés about GOD laughing when i make plans, it really disturbs me on a deep level. while it is quite true that i can and often do live in self-will, it is also quite true that i do not desire to live my life by default. that was the life of active addiction when it came to pieces of my life, especially getting jobs and money. self-will also ran riot, i manipulated, schemed and did whatever i needed to do, to get what i needed to get, but made absolutely no plans for the day after tomorrow, much less tomorrow or even a few hours from now. the one thing that has been repeated over and over again since i came to recovery, is that i if live a program, i will be able to make choices. there are days when i choose to make no plans, although they are few and far between. the trick for me, to see how my plans play out. i have discovered that if they feel wrong they are probably not part of that divine will, so to speak. i have also come to the conclusion that if i have trouble doing the footwork the answer i am getting is either no or not now. the rigidity of active addiction and living my life by default has been replaced with greater flexibility and the desire to make plans for today and my future. i do my best to let go of the outcome, but being the person i am, i still want to see my plans come out for the best. life is however, far to short to spin about whether my plans are the same as my HIGHER POWER’s and as a result, i make them, do the footwork and alter them as needed. that path allows me to be a productive member of society instead of some sort of leech! and being productive seems to be in alignment with that divine will that i can only glimpse in moments of extreme clarity. so on that note time to see what i can finish today.
all of the theories about fate and destiny, if i chose to subscribe to them, would force me to just go with the flow, and it would seem that the program i choose to recover in, is part of that whole paradigm, at least on a cursory inspection. what i choose to believe is that my plans need to be made, and i need to do the footwork to further them to completion, but i also need to see if my plans are aligned with the POWER THAT KEEPS ME CLEAN AND PROVIDES FOR ALL MY NEEDS! so when i hear the clichés about GOD laughing when i make plans, it really disturbs me on a deep level. while it is quite true that i can and often do live in self-will, it is also quite true that i do not desire to live my life by default. that was the life of active addiction when it came to pieces of my life, especially getting jobs and money. self-will also ran riot, i manipulated, schemed and did whatever i needed to do, to get what i needed to get, but made absolutely no plans for the day after tomorrow, much less tomorrow or even a few hours from now. the one thing that has been repeated over and over again since i came to recovery, is that i if live a program, i will be able to make choices. there are days when i choose to make no plans, although they are few and far between. the trick for me, to see how my plans play out. i have discovered that if they feel wrong they are probably not part of that divine will, so to speak. i have also come to the conclusion that if i have trouble doing the footwork the answer i am getting is either no or not now. the rigidity of active addiction and living my life by default has been replaced with greater flexibility and the desire to make plans for today and my future. i do my best to let go of the outcome, but being the person i am, i still want to see my plans come out for the best. life is however, far to short to spin about whether my plans are the same as my HIGHER POWER’s and as a result, i make them, do the footwork and alter them as needed. that path allows me to be a productive member of society instead of some sort of leech! and being productive seems to be in alignment with that divine will that i can only glimpse in moments of extreme clarity. so on that note time to see what i can finish today.
∞ DT ∞