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looking over my entry from last year, it is ironic that i had to buttress my self-esteem, by repeating that: DAMMIT ALL, I WAS RIGHT! this year, i can laugh at how ridiculous it was, and how i felt so freakin' self-righteous, at proving how “right” i was.
this morning, what i felt as i quieted down, is perhaps saying yes, again and again is my self-will run riot, and not true to my path of allowing myself to feel my way to the next right thing. what i asked for last night, as i laid my head on my pillow, was to let go of some of my friends and peers who are struggling and the notion that my relationship with them may need to change. what i heard this morning, was “nothing has been asked so stop projecting.”
moving along, what exactly does being right mean? in debates and arguments, it seems to me that i know and repeat the facts. that is fairly easy when it comes to standard well-documented mathematical and scientific principles. water boils at 100°C, provided that it is 1 atmosphere of pressure, and is without suspended or dissolved impurities. even that simple “fact” has its set of caveats, to make it true, and i chose that example on purpose to illustrate the notion that the truth and what is correct, may not always be the right answer. i can demonstrate on top of Mt Evans that water boils at a lower temperature and in Death Valley a higher one. i can introduce some salt and the boiling point gets higher as well or add some salt in my mountainous boiling water experiment to return the boiling point to 100°C again. i am wrong if i simply state that water boils at 100° and if such a scientific fact is so dependent on its set of initial conditions when it comes to recovery and interpersonal relationships, what ability can i express to have about ever being right?
so i had to take a break and listen a bit to a song that is not necessarily about being right, but it is about thinking outside of the cultural box i was born within. of course, as an enlightened and evolved being, it would be wonderful to say that those constraints had long ago been lifted from me, nice, maybe, but i would not be right. i am still a product of my culture, and no matter how hard i try to IMAGINE. i still get stuck in the “heaven above us” mode, with all its trappings and attendant consequences. when it comes to spirituality, being “right” becomes even trickier than boiling water. more than the starting conditions need to be known and even with the starting conditions completely defined, the outcome is usually far different for two different people. two of my peers were raised in a religion that included parochial education. one of them is still a very strong adherent to that tradition, the other, not so much. which one is right? well if i based that judgement on my experience i could say neither, as they both seem to be deluded by the opiate of the masses, as Karl Marx called organized religion. HOWEVER, for them as individuals following this program of recovery, they are both right, in fact they are just as right as i am, based on their personal experiences. as i see that and acknowledge that fact, and that is a fact, i see my NEED to be right diminishes into the smoke and mirrors as a prop i once needed to validate that i have worth. today my worth, especially in my own eyes, is not dependent upon how right i am when it comes to spouting off facts, figures and opinions.
anyhow, as interesting as all of this is, i do have to go shower and shave and head on down to work. if something is asked of me today, i will consider the right answer and allow myself feel the correct one. to do anything else, would be to play into those same constraints that have kept me from being the whole and evolved being that this path is leading me to, just for today.

∞ DT ∞