☎ what is ☏
Posted: Mon, Feb 8, 2016 07:45:06 AM
a sponsor?
what a great question. as someone who both sponsors and is sponsored, i have a very strong opinion on this topic. as i grow in my recovery and stay clean, what i expect of my sponsor and sponsees has certainly changed and if one were to look at how i viewed things years ago, one might suspect that i am becoming a softer, kinder version of a sponsor, when in fact i am becoming harder and certainly healthier. i can say this without hesitation, as a sponsor it is NOT my job to reach out to the men i sponsor and drag them by the short hairs through their recovery, been there, done that got the T-shirt. id you are one of the men i sponsor and are waiting for me to call you, to ask you how your step work is going, don't hold your breath, i am not going to use, because you decide not to practice an active program of recovery. just as i am more than certain, that my sponsor is not going to use over the fact that i get sick and twisted, because i do not practice an active program of recovery.
so what expectations do i place on my sponsor? before i answer that question, i will say this: that to say i have no expectations for my sponsor would be a lie, i do, very minimal at best, but expectations nevertheless. quite honestly my sponsor has exceed them nearly one hundred percent of the time. when i call my sponsor text my sponse, i expect him to get back to me, and he does.when i tell him it is a 911 sort of situation, he responds even faster. when i do my step work, i expect him to find the time to go over it with me, and he has always done that. when i come to him with a dilemma or situation, i expect him to guide me towards a decision. when i am in pain, i expect him to listen and if the cards fall just right i hope to become more than a sponsee, i hope to become a friend.
i do NOT expect him to be my barf bag, 24-7, nor do i expect him to make decisions for me, tell me what i SHOULD do or layout a guideline for living, save what it is our literature and how he has lived through that. i am certainly not good at calling him, especially when i think i can handle this or that myself, after all i have all this clean time. i am not good at instantly accepting what he suggests and implementing it my life. no i have to fret and fume about it. i have to dissect it and i have to put it back together again, before i put it into action, even though NOTHING in the guidance he has given me, has ever ended up hurting me or hindering my life as a person in recovery. when i lie to him, either overtly or by omission, i do NOT get all butt-hurt because the direction he provided was wrong. when i get over my self-obsession, i remember that he is just another recovering addict and when we disagree, which we do from time to time, it does not mean i need to burn down the relationship and move along.
as my sponsor and as my friend, i have gifted with more than i can enumerate in this brief exercise, and i need to remember that maybe he too would appreciate a call from me, telling me i am okay, and asking how he is doing today. today, i can do my part to foster my relationship with my sponsor, and see what happens, after all this is the person who i trust with all of my past and present garbage, and sometimes i need to let him know i am more than the doom and gloom i often drop on his doorstep. it is a grate day to be clean, and i could not have done it without him.
what a great question. as someone who both sponsors and is sponsored, i have a very strong opinion on this topic. as i grow in my recovery and stay clean, what i expect of my sponsor and sponsees has certainly changed and if one were to look at how i viewed things years ago, one might suspect that i am becoming a softer, kinder version of a sponsor, when in fact i am becoming harder and certainly healthier. i can say this without hesitation, as a sponsor it is NOT my job to reach out to the men i sponsor and drag them by the short hairs through their recovery, been there, done that got the T-shirt. id you are one of the men i sponsor and are waiting for me to call you, to ask you how your step work is going, don't hold your breath, i am not going to use, because you decide not to practice an active program of recovery. just as i am more than certain, that my sponsor is not going to use over the fact that i get sick and twisted, because i do not practice an active program of recovery.
so what expectations do i place on my sponsor? before i answer that question, i will say this: that to say i have no expectations for my sponsor would be a lie, i do, very minimal at best, but expectations nevertheless. quite honestly my sponsor has exceed them nearly one hundred percent of the time. when i call my sponsor text my sponse, i expect him to get back to me, and he does.when i tell him it is a 911 sort of situation, he responds even faster. when i do my step work, i expect him to find the time to go over it with me, and he has always done that. when i come to him with a dilemma or situation, i expect him to guide me towards a decision. when i am in pain, i expect him to listen and if the cards fall just right i hope to become more than a sponsee, i hope to become a friend.
i do NOT expect him to be my barf bag, 24-7, nor do i expect him to make decisions for me, tell me what i SHOULD do or layout a guideline for living, save what it is our literature and how he has lived through that. i am certainly not good at calling him, especially when i think i can handle this or that myself, after all i have all this clean time. i am not good at instantly accepting what he suggests and implementing it my life. no i have to fret and fume about it. i have to dissect it and i have to put it back together again, before i put it into action, even though NOTHING in the guidance he has given me, has ever ended up hurting me or hindering my life as a person in recovery. when i lie to him, either overtly or by omission, i do NOT get all butt-hurt because the direction he provided was wrong. when i get over my self-obsession, i remember that he is just another recovering addict and when we disagree, which we do from time to time, it does not mean i need to burn down the relationship and move along.
as my sponsor and as my friend, i have gifted with more than i can enumerate in this brief exercise, and i need to remember that maybe he too would appreciate a call from me, telling me i am okay, and asking how he is doing today. today, i can do my part to foster my relationship with my sponsor, and see what happens, after all this is the person who i trust with all of my past and present garbage, and sometimes i need to let him know i am more than the doom and gloom i often drop on his doorstep. it is a grate day to be clean, and i could not have done it without him.
∞ DT ∞