Some memes

from self-obsession, by being present and actually listening when others speak. the last thing i wanted to this morning was **sit and listen.** i wanted to get up, get running and get through all the stuff i needed to accomplish before the Broncos game this afternoon. of course, i am “always present” when i am participating in a conversation, so listening to what the reading was all about, was what i was not all about at all. what finally happened when i shut down, is that i heard silence and got to feel that, today, i am okay with how i am doing in my life and the goals i have set for myself in the short term. there may be more than one thing i need to “hear” today and getting my stuff out of the way, may certainly be a good thing to do.
as i consider my behavior, since the last time i read and sat on this particular reading, i find that i have made a step or two in the right direction. purple dragons, blue meanies and the discomfort of sand in one's shoe, are all topics i have heard alluded to, by my peers. they have also been part of my life was well. well not literally, but the fantasies of “if onlys,” the certainty that no one had my back and the stress of life on its own terms, have been themes in my life. waking from my walking dream about getting thousands of dollars if only i keep throwing money down the black hole of a scam, was certainly enough to make me start to sit up and take notice about what life is really offering me. what i have seen is that i really do have people in my life that have my back and will allow me enough rope to hang myself, or will slap me around until i start to wake-up to the bitter facts of life.
what i also heard this morning, is that i could certainly let go of whatever is on my mind, for a minute and allow myself the freedom to actually hear and respond to what i am being told. i have been in and out of the fog of uncertainty and self-pity and the only thing i seem to have going for me these days, is my desire to be more fit, pass my nicotine test and get a settlement from All-State for the injuries i incurred as a result of my little left hand turn incident. although all of those can quickly move into a world of fantasy-land, in a heartbeat, if i do not live my life in the here and now.
i got a job, i get to go watch the Broncos play and hang with some friends and right here and right now, i have no desire to fill my body with any form of nicotine, so all in all, not a bad way to start this day.

∞ DT ∞