๐ฌ my personal ๐ฌ
Posted: Wed, Sep 23, 2020 08:12:30 AM
program of recovery, not to be confused in any way with THE PROGRAM of RECOVERY i practice, keeps me sane and allows me the FREEDOM to be who i am going to be.
it is more than ironic that this morning after working with two of the men that choose to call me their sponsor, i am writing about a personal program of recovery, that is based on the twelve step program of recovery that has brought me this far. the irony just happens to be, that i specifically mentioned a comment trait that i seem to share with them, as well as with my peers in the program, manipulating and controlling situations to get immediate gratification. as much as i agonized over the consequences for being blunt in my “missive to the inside,” the fact is, the letter i sent yesterday, said exactly what i felt a week ago and my DESIRE to be liked and needed was what prevented me from writing it, way back when. when i confuse who i am with what i want others to think i am, i get all sort of twisted up and the results are never what i truly want, or even need.when i allow myself to be a “victim” of popular opinion, i lose.
the flip side of all of this is of course, what do i do to keep myself from falling into the trap of judging or stereotyping others, when i engage with my friends in the program? the most satisfactory answer would be,m i have grown beyond needing to do so. YEAH RIGHT! the actual answer is that when i find myself caught up in doing so, i need to stop and will need to muse the corrective part of STEP TEN, to acknowledge what i did and dig into my motives for doing so. i know that i can be greedy, selfish and jealous. i know all of those are human traits that the part of me i call addiction, latches on to and uses. i can blithely ignore that fact of my life, OR i can strive to become more supporting of those with whom i share the rooms. that does not mean co-signing their bullsh!t, as those two fine men discovered yesterday, but it does mean that when i see something disturbing i need to say something to them, and not anyone else.
i hear a lot about what is going on in my local fellowship and for me, it is hard not to “jump in” and fix everything and everyone, after all, i DO KNOW BEST! 🤣 this morning as i prepare to get my work-out started, i can have a bit of FAITH in THE PROGRAM that is foundation of my program, to provide me the skills i need to navigate each and every one of these tricky days. i may want to be the most popular dude in the fellowship but the consequences of trashing my peers to get there, are no longer worth it to me.
it is more than ironic that this morning after working with two of the men that choose to call me their sponsor, i am writing about a personal program of recovery, that is based on the twelve step program of recovery that has brought me this far. the irony just happens to be, that i specifically mentioned a comment trait that i seem to share with them, as well as with my peers in the program, manipulating and controlling situations to get immediate gratification. as much as i agonized over the consequences for being blunt in my “missive to the inside,” the fact is, the letter i sent yesterday, said exactly what i felt a week ago and my DESIRE to be liked and needed was what prevented me from writing it, way back when. when i confuse who i am with what i want others to think i am, i get all sort of twisted up and the results are never what i truly want, or even need.when i allow myself to be a “victim” of popular opinion, i lose.
the flip side of all of this is of course, what do i do to keep myself from falling into the trap of judging or stereotyping others, when i engage with my friends in the program? the most satisfactory answer would be,m i have grown beyond needing to do so. YEAH RIGHT! the actual answer is that when i find myself caught up in doing so, i need to stop and will need to muse the corrective part of STEP TEN, to acknowledge what i did and dig into my motives for doing so. i know that i can be greedy, selfish and jealous. i know all of those are human traits that the part of me i call addiction, latches on to and uses. i can blithely ignore that fact of my life, OR i can strive to become more supporting of those with whom i share the rooms. that does not mean co-signing their bullsh!t, as those two fine men discovered yesterday, but it does mean that when i see something disturbing i need to say something to them, and not anyone else.
i hear a lot about what is going on in my local fellowship and for me, it is hard not to “jump in” and fix everything and everyone, after all, i DO KNOW BEST! 🤣 this morning as i prepare to get my work-out started, i can have a bit of FAITH in THE PROGRAM that is foundation of my program, to provide me the skills i need to navigate each and every one of these tricky days. i may want to be the most popular dude in the fellowship but the consequences of trashing my peers to get there, are no longer worth it to me.
∞ DT ∞