Blog entry for:

program of recovery, not to be confused in any way with THE PROGRAM of RECOVERY i practice, keeps me sane and allows me the FREEDOM to be who i am going to be.
it is more than ironic that this morning after working with two of the men that choose to call me their sponsor, i am writing about a personal program of recovery, that is based on the twelve step program of recovery that has brought me this far. the irony just happens to be, that i specifically mentioned a comment trait that i seem to share with them, as well as with my peers in the program, manipulating and controlling situations to get immediate gratification. as much as i agonized over the consequences for being blunt in my “missive to the inside,” the fact is, the letter i sent yesterday, said exactly what i felt a week ago and my DESIRE to be liked and needed was what prevented me from writing it, way back when. when i confuse who i am with what i want others to think i am, i get all sort of twisted up and the results are never what i truly want, or even need.when i allow myself to be a “victim” of popular opinion, i lose.
the flip side of all of this is of course, what do i do to keep myself from falling into the trap of judging or stereotyping others, when i engage with my friends in the program? the most satisfactory answer would be,m i have grown beyond needing to do so. YEAH RIGHT! the actual answer is that when i find myself caught up in doing so, i need to stop and will need to muse the corrective part of STEP TEN, to acknowledge what i did and dig into my motives for doing so. i know that i can be greedy, selfish and jealous. i know all of those are human traits that the part of me i call addiction, latches on to and uses. i can blithely ignore that fact of my life, OR i can strive to become more supporting of those with whom i share the rooms. that does not mean co-signing their bullsh!t, as those two fine men discovered yesterday, but it does mean that when i see something disturbing i need to say something to them, and not anyone else.
i hear a lot about what is going on in my local fellowship and for me, it is hard not to “jump in” and fix everything and everyone, after all, i DO KNOW BEST! 🤣 this morning as i prepare to get my work-out started, i can have a bit of FAITH in THE PROGRAM that is foundation of my program, to provide me the skills i need to navigate each and every one of these tricky days. i may want to be the most popular dude in the fellowship but the consequences of trashing my peers to get there, are no longer worth it to me.

∞ DT ∞