Blog entry for:

in my successes, might be a slippery slope for this ego-driven, self-centered addict. with my 5TH STEP postponed for a week, i get the opportunity to peek back on what i have written and add more detail, where it is warranted. i am relieved that i have another week before embarking on a 6TH STEP and will take that in stride. how does this relate to pride and my accomplishments? i am glad you asked! one of the my most glaring character defects is low self-esteem and i used the shortcoming of braggadocio to make myself feel better. whenever i accomplished the slightest of things, it was cause for me to shout it from every rooftop. there was no humility in my life and i certainly nearly broke my arm, patting myself on the back. part of my growing awareness that esteem is not a zero-sum game and i am okay, just as i am and worthy of esteem, means i no longer have to “crow” about success. the fine line between taking pride and battering my friends, peers and countrymen with it, is one i am learning to recognize.
moving on, i can say that this 4TH STEP has been somewhat of a surprise and i am grateful i communicated with my sponse, before heading down on Thursday morning, as he would have been unavailable, due to scheduling conflicts. for me, it was not my plan when i first proposed to head down for some face time with my sponsor, to have my 4TH STEP completed. in fact, i was just going down there to get out of the house, spend some time with him and ask for some help in restoring balance to my life. the reaction that triggered was that IF i wanted balance, i would need to do some step work and <BOOM> a notebook and pen were evident in my hand. once that process was started, it was a sprint to the end. i have no regrets about getting that rolling, nor about having to wait another week to get rid of that stuff. my regret here, was that it took me so long to finally get “sick and tired” enough to do something about it.
one of the actions i will take in the interim, is to tell those whom i resent, that perhaps we need to limit our interactions for the next ten days or so, to prevent any more damage to those current relationships. most of those will be easy, but a few will be tricky, especially those people i see on a daily basis. life will go on, i can be vigilant about my actions and in the next few weeks will find the freedom from this part of my past, that i have found throughout my recovery journey. in the meantime, it is time to head out into this chilly morning and get some miles under my belt.

∞ DT ∞