Some memes

ways of thinking is just a nice way of saying, the way i thought and still can think, even with a minute clean, are often fear-based rather living in FAITH. this morning, after a few weeks of having my life turned all sorts of sideways, i am starting to get a glimpse of what life in this “new normal” will be like for me, and i am still afraid of what may still be coming down the pike. when i was using, the substances made me mostly fearless and careless, as in i just did not care about myself or anyone else. getting my next fix was my reason for all that i did and i trampled all over all sorts of folks to accomplish that mission. getting clean was all about finding the ways and means to get away with something and return unaltered to my using days. staying clean, has made me wonder if those “good old days” were really any good at all. i know that had i been using, this last year and especially the last four months would have presented challenges to me that i would not have been able to face. what is not, is no longer what i wish for.
looking ahead at the next few months does create more than a little fear, uncertainty and doubt in my life. for this addict, i can move forward and do what i need to do, just for today and face my fear with the FAITH that if i pay attention and am present for what is happening around me, i will get all that i need, or at least the opportunity to get what i need, from the POWER that fuels my recovery. yeah, i know, not a whole lot of shaking going on here, but it is what i heard and felt this morning: my job today is to have a little FAITH, do the next right thing and remember everyone is doing the best they can, with what they got.

∞ DT ∞