Blog entry for:

i do, quite a feat to live up to, but certainly a goal i strive to meet on a daily basis. i do stumble more than a little bit when i am with my Mom. even though i am pretty sure she is doing the best she can with what she has, i find it disconcerting that i do not respond well, when she attempts to engage me in conversation. i am not sure what she thinks, as i never allow her to go beyond asking about the weather, local news or the latest satellite television tragedy in her household. i am fairly certain she is lonely and is looking for human contact, but right now, i am not willing to play that game. i feel it as if, the past decades when she played a very minor part in my life, cannot just be swept under the carpet and ignored, but i am not sure i want to open that Pandora's box of emotions , feelings and memories. so i do my silent, here and now, dance and walk away from interactions with her, without any attachment to what was or was not said.
this morning as my possible last days at this job are approaching i am more than ever dedicated to the proposition of keeping what i have. i will have to ask for some time from a senior member of my team, to complete the task that got me into this situation and get it up for code review. i will also need to find the ways and means to be a bit more present for work and let go of the rest of what is happening in the world, starting with getting my steps in before the snow flies this afternoon. on that note, i think it is time to bundle up and slip and slide my way through four and a half miles of this winter's day dawn-light. after all, if i do not take care of myself, i probably will be unable to bring my recovery to everywhere else.

∞ DT ∞