Blog entry for:

in FAITH that the POWER that fuels my recovery will provide me the opportunities to see the ways and means to get what i NEED, feels like the same old tune, overplayed and way out of touch my reality. part of the issue, is that i have been clean for a minute and time and again, i have covered the seemingly same ground:
tolerance ➻ acceptance ➻ faith ➻ courage ➻ surrender.
time and again i fall back into that rhythm, but lately it feels as if i am being at a minimum disingenuous with myself, if not flat out dishonest. day by day, i see examples all around me of those who seem to live in self-will with very few obvious consequences and i wonder if that is a path i can take. i certainly was tempted to do sop, to “share” back at a peer who seems to keep blaming me for what befell them as a result of their actions. as i listened last night during my TENTH STEP and again this morning as part of my ELEVENTH, i saw that was just as “self-willish” as my peer and that perhaps i needed to choose another topic. what that topic may be, has yet to be determined and i am tempted to put this into the hands of the POWER that fuels my recovery, by opening a book at random, pointing blindly at the text on the page and using that as my “seed.” the more i consider that notion, the better it sounds and the stronger my inclination is to let go and see what happens.
perhaps, just maybe, that entire decision-making process is a metaphor for what needs to happen in my life today. instead of forcing an outcome, i think i may just rely on that POWER, to show me the way. i have a few things i wish to accomplish today and amongst them is my desire to be present for some friends at dinner tonight. what i am getting is a sense that if i make my plans for today, do my best to accomplish them and if they do not pan out, allow myself the freedom to accept what happens, with very little wailing (😭 😭 😭) or gnashing of my teeth. randomly selecting my topic for this morning, is on!

∞ DT ∞