Blog entry for:

brings relief from my self-obsessed, selfish self. the source material seems to suggest that finding the ways and means to be selfless, may be just the distraction one is looking for when all else fails. it reminds me of what a few of my peers do when they get to a place in their lives where nothing seems to be working, they take on a “newcomer project.” i do believe that motives matter and for me, when i am selfless, i do move from the center of the universe into a place that is more connected with the world around me. it is not a distraction i am seeking, but it often breaks the cycle of self-obsession that i find myself within, every now and again. i like to think that when i act selflessly, i am doing so, just because i have the desire to be selfless and not because i am looking for a distraction. i know that in the long run, analysis of my selfless behavior would be a mixed bag of bad motives, distraction and the desire to be a better person. i guess the whys and wherefores are less important than the actions themselves.
considering the road i have been traveling lately, it might be nice for a few distractions. i know digging for the gold of getting away from it all will not lead to consequences i find desirable. in fact i am pretty sure that when i found my way back to what i need to do, i would find myself in a situation that is worse than the one lift behind. so i plod forward, doing the next right thing, believing that at the end of the day, i will have accomplished all that i needed to accomplish, because i stayed in the here and now and responded to what came down the pike.
where does that leave me? well it leaves me with the desire to get the dawg out for her walk, finish the long overdue project that i have on my plate at work and be okay with the answers i get from those i ask for information to move forward with the whole settling of the estate gig. life is good, and i can be okay knowing that the next right thing may be a bit of self-obsessed bidness, just to get me through this day. i also know that when i return from that hiatus i can selflessly give of myself and take care of what needs to be taken care of, just for today.

∞ DT ∞