Blog entry for:
Wed, Jul 26, 2006 06:10:21 AM
δ i am powerless; my life is unmanageable, at least by myself alone and my denial will not change that fact. δ
posted: Wed, Jul 26, 2006 06:10:21 AM
no matter how i try to slice it, facts are facts and for this addict unconditionally surrendering seems the best choice right now. but as i go through my day and get farther and farther away from my morning routine, surrender gets less likely. after all, right now i am thinking about what i read, trying to throw together some words that express what i feel about what i just read, so it is easy for me to surrender unconditionally right now.
honestly i have tried everything on that brief list in the reading to fill the spiritual hole that i seem to have been born with, and absolutely nothing works, with the exception of the love, comfort and relationships i have gained with the POWER THAT KEEPS ME CLEAN AND PROVIDES FOR ALL MY NEEDS, that i have received as a result of staying clean and participating in my recovery. and yet as i progress through my day, i seem to forget that filling that void with anything from the mundane world just leads me down a path of requiring more and more, more control, more food, more sex, more rage, just more whatever i choose to substitute for the substances that brought me to my knees what seems like an eternity ago.
i could go on and on about how surrendering unconditionally for at least this moment has brought me great spiritual gifts, and that would be the truth and truthfully more than a bit redundant and boring. i could wax philosophically about the peace of mind that surrender has brought to me, but that is also obvious. right now what i seem to be feeling is a sense of gratitude that i no longer need to try and be in charge if make a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care...
... unconditionally surrendering to the program that has given me this incredible new manner of living!
honestly i have tried everything on that brief list in the reading to fill the spiritual hole that i seem to have been born with, and absolutely nothing works, with the exception of the love, comfort and relationships i have gained with the POWER THAT KEEPS ME CLEAN AND PROVIDES FOR ALL MY NEEDS, that i have received as a result of staying clean and participating in my recovery. and yet as i progress through my day, i seem to forget that filling that void with anything from the mundane world just leads me down a path of requiring more and more, more control, more food, more sex, more rage, just more whatever i choose to substitute for the substances that brought me to my knees what seems like an eternity ago.
i could go on and on about how surrendering unconditionally for at least this moment has brought me great spiritual gifts, and that would be the truth and truthfully more than a bit redundant and boring. i could wax philosophically about the peace of mind that surrender has brought to me, but that is also obvious. right now what i seem to be feeling is a sense of gratitude that i no longer need to try and be in charge if make a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care...
... unconditionally surrendering to the program that has given me this incredible new manner of living!
∞ DT ∞
The views expressed on this page are solely the opinion of the author.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
Another Look!
unconditionally surrendering 273 words ➥ Monday, July 26, 2004 by: donnot∞ know surrender! ∞ 198 words ➥ Tuesday, July 26, 2005 by: donnot
α my lack of certainty, though, does not affect the essential truth: ω 402 words ➥ Thursday, July 26, 2007 by: donnot
↔ i have tried everything i can think of, exerted every ounce of force possible … 270 words ➥ Saturday, July 26, 2008 by: donnot
α i must surrender. only by doing so can i open myself wide ω 248 words ➥ Sunday, July 26, 2009 by: donnot
¡ nothing - not drugs, not control and management, not sex, money, property, power, or prestige ¡ 602 words ➥ Monday, July 26, 2010 by: donnot
¹ help begins only when i am able to admit complete defeat ¹ 615 words ➥ Tuesday, July 26, 2011 by: donnot
¤ i will surrender unconditionally . 635 words ➥ Thursday, July 26, 2012 by: donnot
∫ sometimes in surrendering, i am not certain that ∫ 785 words ➥ Friday, July 26, 2013 by: donnot
• only by surrendering unconditionally can i open myself wide — 519 words ➥ Saturday, July 26, 2014 by: donnot
¿ unconditional surrender? ! 753 words ➥ Sunday, July 26, 2015 by: donnot
⇋ the foundation ⇌ 778 words ➥ Tuesday, July 26, 2016 by: donnot
🙾 exerting every 🙿 609 words ➥ Wednesday, July 26, 2017 by: donnot
🤬 a lack of certainty 🤷 573 words ➥ Thursday, July 26, 2018 by: donnot
💥 my denial does not 💥 671 words ➥ Friday, July 26, 2019 by: donnot
⚐ filling the ⚐ 576 words ➥ Sunday, July 26, 2020 by: donnot
🐌 as easy 🐰 217 words ➥ Monday, July 26, 2021 by: donnot
💸 sex, money, 💀 412 words ➥ Tuesday, July 26, 2022 by: donnot
🌋 open-mindedness 🌄 543 words ➥ Wednesday, July 26, 2023 by: donnot
☯ The Tao that can be spoken is not the eternal Tao ☯
by Lao-Tse
Translated by James Legge
Book 1
3) Hence, those with whom he agrees as to the Tao have the happiness
of attaining to it; those with whom he agrees as to its manifestation
have the happiness of attaining to it; and those with whom he agrees
in their failure have also the happiness of attaining (to the Tao).
(But) when there is not faith sufficient (on his part), a want of
faith (in him) ensues (on the part of the others).