๐ค how i connect ๐
Posted: Fri, Sep 12, 2025 11:13:58 AM
to the program -- and its principles and spiritual nature -- does not look the same when was new or as when i have become more comfortable in my own skin. dammit all, i got distracted, anyhow, as i read my source material this morning i wondered if i needed to post another long blog that details my spiritual journey. i know that i have posted bits and pieces, some longer some shorter about my my progress from being a diehard agnostic to finding a POWER that fuels my recovery, that i call GOD, to be a bit more inclusive to those who have stronger religious or dogmatic beliefs. in my less than infinite wisdom, i discarded that notion and decided that i need to focus on what is, rather than the journey from the what was.
moving into that train of thought, i can certainly state with certainty that something shifted over the past few days. i feel that the shift is a deeper and more abiding FAITH in program and the direction i seem to be moving. for what feels like forever, but has probably only been a few months, i have felt more than a bit unsettled about the direction my recovery has been headed. as a result, i have been once again hiding behind very elaborate versions of the clichés, bon mots, slogans and bumper stickers that are part and parcel of the fellowship syntax, when i share outside of my home group. on Wednesday, at my celebration meeting, something possessed me to open up, be vulnerable and share about one of the most life-changing events of my childhood. as a result, the FNG who has been attending that meeting came up to me and commented on how it was the first time he actually got a glimpse of who i am. at the time, i took it for what it was and placed it in the bit bucket. over the past few days, however, their comment has refused to stay put and finally this morning, i got what he was trying to say.
the irony of all of this, is that without realizing it, last night at my service commitment, i already had moved beyond hiding who i am, when i shared. i still stayed within the parameters of sharing as a panel member, but i went deeper and more into how i was moving forward, instead of responding to they shared. it really is none of my bidness if they “heard” what i was sharing or even “got it.” what is relevant, however is what i felt as i was sharing and how i felt about it as i drove home. what i felt last night and again this morning, is that i need to continue down this path of opening up to the world around me and acknowledging my individual spiritual self, just for today.
moving into that train of thought, i can certainly state with certainty that something shifted over the past few days. i feel that the shift is a deeper and more abiding FAITH in program and the direction i seem to be moving. for what feels like forever, but has probably only been a few months, i have felt more than a bit unsettled about the direction my recovery has been headed. as a result, i have been once again hiding behind very elaborate versions of the clichés, bon mots, slogans and bumper stickers that are part and parcel of the fellowship syntax, when i share outside of my home group. on Wednesday, at my celebration meeting, something possessed me to open up, be vulnerable and share about one of the most life-changing events of my childhood. as a result, the FNG who has been attending that meeting came up to me and commented on how it was the first time he actually got a glimpse of who i am. at the time, i took it for what it was and placed it in the bit bucket. over the past few days, however, their comment has refused to stay put and finally this morning, i got what he was trying to say.
the irony of all of this, is that without realizing it, last night at my service commitment, i already had moved beyond hiding who i am, when i shared. i still stayed within the parameters of sharing as a panel member, but i went deeper and more into how i was moving forward, instead of responding to they shared. it really is none of my bidness if they “heard” what i was sharing or even “got it.” what is relevant, however is what i felt as i was sharing and how i felt about it as i drove home. what i felt last night and again this morning, is that i need to continue down this path of opening up to the world around me and acknowledging my individual spiritual self, just for today.
∞ DT ∞