Some memes

how green the grass looks on the other side, change always seems to stir up a lot of fear and anxiety. for me, change is inevitable and even change i plan for and do my best to foster, seem to drive me to distraction. i am not one those manna from heaven people who believe they can pray for change, “manifest” change by chanting or thinking in a positive manner. most of the time, if i desire change, i work for it, as that is certainly the cost of hope in my book. even though i actively strive for some change in my life, does not mean that i have a bit of fear and anxiety about what is coming my way. change is hard, even when it is for the better.
this morning, as i am getting ready for work, i feel rushes and stressed. i slept in, got my hair cut, walked the dawg, shoveled the snow off the walk, got a forty minute run in and yet i do not feel ,like i am really ready to go to work. the fact is, i have accomplished everything i set out to do this morning, and i already altered my plans to fit the grocery store and lunch before work, into them. i have a minute or two before i need to get moving and yet here i am fretting about that which is well in m y control, like some whiny little, well you get the point. what i am going to do is breathe, take a beat and see where i can go with this little exercise.
well, i got nothing new, except a cup of coffee another beat in my creative writing exercise and the time to consider what sandwich i desire to eat at work this afternoon, before i clock in. yes, i know, nothing earth-shattering or mind splitting, just a set of decisions and actions to make my day go a bit smoother. no hoping, no wishing, just action which is more than okay with me, right here and right n0ow. what do i have hopes about today? that i will get everything i need to stay clean and foster my recovery. what am i willing to do? be present, pay attention and stay in the here and now, just for today.

∞ DT ∞